Crucible Of Life
Day 1 of 7 Day Self Reflection Marathon: How can I let my anger alchemize and fire me into a new version of myself?
I hate conflicts. I hate the never ending cross-arguments that happen between angry people. I finally just sign out. I either stop responding, which people may perceive as “giving up”. But these exchanges and fights literally exhaust me. But I value my peace of mind even more.
But one thing that has troubled me more than anger towards others is the anger and frustration towards self. I sometimes feel it is worse than anger towards others. The anger towards self takes ages to subside. It keeps simmering below the surface seeping into your daily life in the form of sleepless nights, ill-health and even sometimes depression.
And then when I run out of getting angry on self, I get angry with life itself. Starting with common enough, “Why me” to a more drastic “Go to hell”. It’s only recently that I am acknowledging this anger. I am recognizing the difficult situations that are giving rise to it. I am pausing to observe how these situations are molding me into a person different to who I was. I am recognizing how I would have reacted to these tough times ten years ago, versus the way I am handling them now.
These are crucible moments. Crucibles that are melting and strengthening me at the same time. There is no hiding away now. The heat and the pressure is there. One can only bear it with the ‘unconditional surrender’: surrendering to this process of alchemy and accepting the changes that I need to undergo. Changes that I may not like, but need to undergo, nonetheless. Have faith, let this crucible fortify you, and not just harden you into a embittered soul.
