Family Feelings
Navigating the Holidays
I find that the holiday season brings up a lot of feelings for me. My relationship with my family has never been the easiest, and I have almost gone no contact with my family multiple times due to the dynamics that never really seem to change. Navigating boundaries and dynamics that work for me have proven to be somewhat tricky in the past, but I do feel there has been growth in understanding and seeing each other in some ways.
I love my family and know they are caring people, but it can be challenging for me to answer the phone, go on holidays, or perform in the ways that I feel I am wanted to. I sometimes find it overwhelming to interact with family, especially my extended family. I know I am in a very blessed position and do not want to regret being distant because I know that all our time together is temporary. Yet I sometimes feel almost immobilized dealing with my parents and siblings.
I have been working through it in therapy, and know that an ideal family format is pushed through media and societal ideas, but I can feel a lot of guilt around not living up to that ideal. I feel comfortable with it, and while it would be nice to have a close relationship with my family, I have made peace with the relationship I do have. The guilt stems from not being able to provide that for my parents and siblings, who I know want that…
