Feeling God’s Love Instead of Fearing Him
From condemned to convicted
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7
I used to be scared of God. I grew up in a strict Baptist church where I felt like everything I did was against Him.
In my 20’s, I was sure I was going to Hell.
I was feeling condemned and alone…and in a lot of emotional pain.
Unfortunately, during those tumultuous years, I didn’t know the love of God. I only learned to fear Him.
But 2 Timothy 1:7 says that God has not given us a spirit of fear but of love.
It wasn’t until my mid-30’s that I experienced His miraculous love and was changed forever.
Fearing God
When I was young, I was so scared of what other people thought of me that I would lie…a lot. I lied about understanding words I didn’t know. I lied about the mistakes that I made.
I was a liar and God hates liars. Liars go to Hell. Or so I thought.
I watched my mother get chastised because she went out dancing and drank alcohol at a bar. She was friends with both women and men.
These things were “no-nos” at our church. She was going to Hell. Or so I thought.
I was so scared of God that I ran from Him. I ran as fast as I could.
In my teen years, I turned to the occult for solace. It made me feel important and powerful. There was no one telling me what I could and couldn’t do. There was no one but myself to answer to.
If I did something wrong, the natural consequences would catch up to me. If I did something good, more good would follow.
I was a believer in the law of attraction and the rule of three. Everything you do will come back to you three-fold.
I was deceived.
Letting the enemy take hold
My 20’s were the roughest years of my life.
My brother was killed in Iraq on my 21st birthday. I went through a string of abusive relationships. I was fired from multiple jobs and was evicted twice because I couldn’t keep the rent money hidden from my drug-dealing boyfriend.
But I was a good person. I was doing everything I could to attract positivity to myself. Why wasn’t it working?
The enemy had taken hold and wasn’t going to let go without a fight.
One of Satan’s greatest deceptions is that he is a myth to get us to “behave”; to keep us in line.
He is real and he wants us on his side, even if we don’t know it.
I realized that in the end, you’re either on God’s side, or you’re not.
I want to be on the winning side.
Revelation 1:7 says
Look! He comes with the clouds of heaven.
And everyone will see him —
even those who pierced him.
And all the nations of the world
will mourn for him.
Yes! Amen!
In the end, everyone will know the Lord. But only those who have a relationship with Him will be saved. The rest will be mourning because they have been deceived.
Feeling God’s love
In my early 30s, I watched a friend of mine go through the most challenging times of her life.
Her life spun out of control. She was scared to live alone. Her children were taken away from her. She self-medicated to try and get by. I watched as “religious” people turned on her and wanted to make her feel unworthy.
Through all of this, she still praised God! I was blown away by her faith.
I thought, there must be something I’m missing.
Through a series of God-led circumstances, I was led to join a new church. I began reading the Bible and living by it. I started seeing God work in my life.
I learned that God doesn’t want me to suffer, but wants me to have a relationship with Him. He wants me to talk to Him and He wants to talk to me, too.
I can honestly say that I’ve heard God speak to me. Sometimes it’s a feeling. Other times, I hear Him in my thoughts. At the most moving times, I can feel him wrap His arms around me in a hug.
I don’t feel condemned anymore. I’m not scared of God. I want to know everything about Him because He loves me.
John 3:16 says
For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.
I can’t imagine loving someone so much that you would give up your only son as a sacrifice for them.
I have two children and I wouldn’t give them up for anything.
But God did. And He did it so everyone who believes in Him will be saved from eternal death.
Feeling convicted to change
Following the word of God comes with a price. When I accepted Jesus into my heart and was filled by His Holy Spirit, I felt convicted to change my life.
I no longer want to live just for myself. I want to be a better person for Him and because of Him.
I want other people to see the change He has made in my life and how He can change theirs.
Thank you for reading. I pray my words have brought you peace and hope. Please consider following my journey on Medium. 
