Finding a safe place After a Tough Childhood
Finding Safe Zone After Trauma
Growing up, I witnessed how typically Indian parents often argue and yell at each other over everything. Living with them was challenging, and my childhood was filled with anxiety whenever they fought. My father would physically assault my mother, and there were times when I would kneel in front of him and touch his feet, pleading with him to stop. He liked to assert his power, and I despised that. He often said things like, “You’re a woman, so you need to be quiet” and “You can’t make any decisions.” His chauvinistic attitude was deeply troubling.
To this day, I still feel fear when my parents argue. My brother and I are now living far from home, and I have repeatedly asked my mother to divorce him, but she always says that the family would fall apart if she did. Although my father shows affection, it’s always in an aggressive manner. As we’ve grown up, my brother and I have distanced ourselves from him, but I still find myself being drawn into these dynamics, which I hate about myself.
I hope he faces the consequences of his actions after he’s gone. Now, my parents want me to get married, but I am really terrified of the word “marriage.” I’ve told them that I have been traumatized by their relationship, and now they are asking me to get married? How can I trust in something that has only brought me pain?
I’ve had proposals in college, and even though I liked some of the boys, I was afraid of commitment and relationships. Seeing the high rate of divorces and breakups has only deepened my doubts. I long for someone who can offer me a safe place, reassurance, and respect. I want to trust that a relationship will work out and that I will be supported.
“One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is the value of self-worth and the importance of choosing relationships that offer respect and security otherwise life would be hell”
I am waiting for someone who will provide me with the respect, security and the trust I need, someone who will genuinely reassure me and make me feel safe. I hope you are out there somewhere. I am waiting for you.
