Finding Comfort in Fear, Creating Fearful Situations that Make Chaos
Listen, all y’all, it’s a sabotage.
I create scenarios that place me in a state of fear. I’ve done it all my life. It’s debilitating. And I just did it again.
I took some work before the holidays that I knew would likely be temporary. I got used to working really quickly. Now I’m unemployed, again, and sad.
To busy myself I decided to take up the kitchen floor and replace the old peel and stick tiles. In the process I may have exposed myself and my family to asbestos. Now I’m panicked, paralyzed.
This seems to be my happy place.
I could have just enjoyed the time off, perhaps looked for work, but, instead, I’ve made things worse than they already were.
I need to start dealing with things head-on instead of sidestepping into chaos.
Listen, all y’all, it’s a sabotage.
I was introduced to the concept of self-sabotage in work recovering from addiction. My propensity to destroy the good things in my life was also pointed out to me by my therapist.
I can trace the examples all the way back to my teen years and they probably can be found even before that. Opportunity to celebrate…
