Have you befriended your trigger reaction?
I wish I did it sooner
We all have these origin Stories for our trigger reaction. The beginnings of a behaviour we adapted because we thought it would help us in the future. It will help us not to get hurt or feel that pain again. It is a protection mechanism that the body-mind creates for us. And we might only realise we have it once we start to heal and embark on a journey to return to ourselves. The pure, light, beautiful version that we came here to be.
When I say pure, I mean free.
Free of limiting beliefs.
Free of trauma.
Free of pain.
Once we embark on the path of better understanding our reactional behaviours, these origin stories come up. And it is important to look at them because they impact us throughout our whole life.
Once we know our origin story, we can share it with the people around us. The ones we trust. The ones we feel safe with. The ones we want to create a deep connection with. The ones who could potentially say: Hey Anja, you know what? I don’t recognise you in that reaction. What part of you is activated right now?
That is what happened to me this weekend.
When triggers show up
I was at my friend’s place all Saturday into the late hours. I told her that afternoon about an origin story of mine. I was a child, maybe six years old. I was playing with two friends, and they locked themselves into the room next door, leaving me alone. When I got up and knocked on their door, wanting to get in and play with them, they kept it shut. I wasn’t allowed in. I returned to the bedroom alone. Quietly and confused, I sat back on the floor. Why wouldn’t they let me play with them? Was I unlovable?
I created many protective habits at that moment so I wouldn’t have to feel this pain ever again. For instance, I’d be in flight response when bringing people together. In group scenarios, I’d be very aware when people left together without inviting me to join. When that happened, my trigger reaction was to shut down. I’d create a barrier. If they returned to the room later, I’d be cold to them because they can’t hurt me if I block them out first.
This particular Saturday, on the weekend past, I went to the toilet at my friend’s house. When I came back into the living room, the couple I was staying with looked at me with beaming eyes and big smiles on their faces saying: ‘Anja, what are you doing tomorrow?’
I could feel my heart beating fast. I was super excited to spend another day with them. I said: ‘Nothing, why?’
My friend jumped up and down, waving his hands and said: ‘Yaaaay! Do you want to come on a hike with us, Rand and Kallum?’
Rand and Kallum are our mutual friends.
I could feel a ball of emotions build within my belly and quickly said: ‘No. I don’t want to.’
My smile and excitement faded, and I put on my shoes to go home.
The following day, I woke up, and as soon as I opened my eyes, my mind replayed the scenario. I knew my body’s strong trigger reaction to say ‘no‘ kicked in to keep me “safe”. The thought of hiking with two couples triggered my fear. My fear of feeling left out.
Thankful I had entrusted my friend with my origin story, I messaged her 5 min after waking up. I told her what happened, and a couple of hours later, we all were in nature together.
There was a moment towards the end of the hike when we went into a Park full of deer. It was golden hour. I stood there, facing the warmth, eyes closed and palms wide open, giving thanks into the sky. I felt such gratitude towards myself, life and my healing journey. I felt grateful to be surrounded by my friends, to be out in nature and that I had befriended this trigger.
We heal so that we understand those triggers. The people in my life who I have shared this story with have always welcomed me with such grace and love. And having had that moment this weekend makes me feel closer to my friend!
It has also deepened my relationship with myself. Whenever I notice a trigger reaction, I invite her with curiosity and talk to my body. As I was on that hike, I said to myself: ‘I am so proud of you. Look at the reality you have created for yourself because you understood your initial reaction was based on fear rather than from a place of love.’
Understanding our triggers is magical. Understanding generates compassion. The more I learn about myself, my behaviours, my traumas, the more compassionate and understanding I’m with my reactions.
What about you?
What trigger reaction you are experiencing?
How do they impact your life?
Have you uncovered your origin story?
Have you done the healing work around it?
Here is the Blog post around my healing work for this trigger: Protection Mechanisms in Relationships
Some triggers take a long time to heal
And that’s also something I came to accept: the big and old triggers can stay with us for a long time. Maybe forever. But our awareness towards it changes. And I notice that the ‘bounce back’ becomes faster. As I was in the living room with my friends saying a sharp ‘no’, I knew I was reacting from a trigger place. I just needed a good night’s sleep to figure out why. 🙂
We have to continue to learn.
We have to be open.
And we have to be ready to release our knowledge in order to come to a higher understanding of reality.-Thick Nhat Hanh
Let’s keep healing.
Let’s keep uncovering rocks.
Let’s celebrate every milestone we make.
With so much love,
Anja x
