How I Learned That My Daydreaming Wasn’t Normal
It wasn’t normal. It was a form of addiction.
I can imagine that many of you daydream frequently like I do because it’s a form of escapism, so has to be normal.
Wrong.
When I stumbled across the term, maladaptive daydreaming, I realized that this wasn’t just my silly imagination making me feel better about life. It was a coping mechanism for trauma.
When It All Started
When I was around eight years old, I started expressing the intense desire to daydream and create my own little world in my head. At the time, I was obsessed with books and movies — so that gave me sources and inspiration to cling onto. One day, I could daydream about being in the baseball scene from Twilight. The next day, I could daydream about being on stage with Hannah Montana. The amount of ideas were endless to my young self.
My routine consisted of stealing my mom’s IPod, putting in headphones to drown out my surroundings, and walking around the neighborhood. My neighbors probably thought I was insane when I would fall into a deep state within my precious fantasies because I would dance and lip sync depending on what I was fantasizing about.
This routine would last for hours until I felt satisfied enough to turn them off and go home. My daydreams would last an excruciatingly long time, but I noticed that when I didn’t take time out of my day to hide in my fantasies then I would be extremely agitated and stressed. I didn’t know what sparked the sudden phenomena until recently.
Maladaptive Daydreaming
What is it?
Maladaptive daydreaming is a type of syndrome where individuals fall into extensive fantasies that can last for many hours per day and takes the place of human interaction. It impairs an individual’s life by continuing to pressure them to compulsively daydream without much control. The syndrome is most common in those with behavioral disorders like anxiety disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
The syndrome often manifests in those that go through trauma in their lives and don’t understand how to cope with it, so they build fantasies as a form of escapism. This has many downsides with many individuals feeling regretful for missing opportunities within their lives when they chose to hide within their mind instead. This addiction can drain a person’s time and energy when they become more reliant on succumbing to their fantasies.
How Has It Affected My Life
Fast forwarding to the present day, daydreaming is still part of my daily routine, but I figured out ways to counteract some of the cons. One of the most popular triggers for those who have this behavioral addiction are books, movies, video games, and music.
My number one trigger is certain types of music, so I avoid listening to music with lyrics. During the day, I will listen to lo fi music to help me focus on work, school, and household chores. This keeps me productive without getting any urges to daydream. I’ve also managed to time block my days, so I specifically include the amount of time I spend in my fantasies. This helps me to maintain control over my mind.
There have been many instances where I’ve attempted to cut out daydreaming altogether. When this happened, I would spend days laying in bed without any motivation to do anything because I had the uncontrollable urge to daydream, but I would continuously push it down.
When anyone has any kind of disorder, it can’t be cured.
When anyone is dealing with addiction, it won’t go away with a snap of someone’s fingers.
So, I try to work around it as best as possible.
I Understand Myself Better
Even though maladaptive daydreaming is usually associated with a behavioral disorder, I’ve never been diagnosed with anything — since I’ve never visited a psychiatrist.
I can’t know for sure if this is an actual addiction that I have.
I can’t know for sure if I have a behavioral disorder.
However, I understand myself better knowing that this, just like many of my other quirks, shape me to be the person that I am. I used to be so shameful of who I was, and that I had to daydream in order to function properly.
It may be odd to a multitude of people, but I embrace this part of myself — since this is who I am.
