How my Best Friend Became a Stranger
Why did my best friend become a stranger
This article is not an article for Me it’s my real-life experience and a page of my self-relation reflection, which after gathering so much courage I’m sharing.
Since I was a kid, I was not a girl who’d immediately talk to someone and became their friend on the first meet, I needed time and I still need time to understand a person and then create a bond. A bond like friendship meant isn’t just calling someone yeah that “She/he is my best friend.” For me, The word friend isn’t a big thing-it’s a deep well of a million little memories and love.
When I was a primary school student, I met a girl-A girl full of exuberance, carrying a smile which was sufficient to refurbish the autumn and bring back the summer. A girl who had nothing but, a beautiful soul with the most beautiful heart. She first came to me and tried to make a bond, and her being genuinely sweet got my approval. We started spending time, and at the end of primary school, we became very good friends.
A friend who stays together eats together and hangouts out together and does everything together. Our friendship was so strong that If I got absent someday our classmates and teachers asked “Where’s your shadow today?”. Everyone was great, and we were great. She wasn’t just a friend to me, she was the only person I shared everything with, I don’t have any siblings or friendly cousins with whom I can share my feelings, so all I had is her to share my things.
With time, our bond became too deep and indestructible. She and I started to know each other more than ourselves. And that’s where we reached wrong, she knew what would hurt me the most and unfortunately not in my presence but she continuously stabbed me on my back.
She told me she don’t have any friends other than me but she had. she promised me she doesn’t divulge my things to someone else, but she did. She told me she’ll never back-bitch about me, but she did. She told me she’ll never lie, but she did. She told me I’m the only person she shares everything with, but She lied, she had so many other people other than me. She told me she’ll fight with the person who’d bad about me, but unfortunately, she flintily contributed to the person who talked shit about me. She told me she’d never get jealous of my success but she back-bitch and made fun of my talents.
All these things still don’t weigh heavier than our bond but it still hurts. Do you know what hurts more than a breakup? Slowly losing that friend you were really close with. Our bond is still so strong that I’ll forget everything thing and still have her as my best friend but it still feels bad. It feels bad realizing if a 12-year-old friendship can feel strange sometimes then I don’t expect anything from anyone anymore.
Nobody genuinely cares for you. Like literally no single fellow. I’m the same girl who believed that her friends are so good and caring, but thanks for them to prove me wrong. I always ignored the people who said “Nobody care for you even your friends and family “ I was like “No dude, maybe you didn’t have a good person. Not everyone is bad.” but now I have morphed my thoughts. I was wrong. You know what? The biggest mistake I committed is to give her first priority in almost everything.
The very first name that came up to my mind before planning for any trip or any hangouts Was her. I allowed her to occupy a really big place in my heart. I allowed her to say anything to me. I allowed her to take any decision for me. I allowed her to have anything of me. But in this blindly trusted friendship or so I thought, I didn’t even realise how much she had control over me. My mood started changing according to her action and behaviour. And in the way of my stupid blindly-trusted friendship, I didn’t even see that not in the 1st, 2nd, 3rd!
I’m not even on her list of priorities. Like all those times I had a blindfold of stupid trust in my eyes. I thought she cared for me very much. I thought her day didn’t pass fulfilled if I don’t text. I thought she would have been missing me if I don’t go on the trip with them. But guess what? I was wrong, she is better off without me. It’s just me who needs her! She doesn’t. I thought It was just me she had. but no! she has so many friends.
She goes on so many trips without me. She goes to watch movies without me. It’s just me who thought I’m the only friend she had, but No! She is the only friend I had. I don’t like her anymore but I don’t either hate her, I never can. But now it’s just I don’t have the same place for her in my heart. I don’t know if I can ever get close to or talk like I used to, and I don’t want anyone anymore.
I’d talk if she want, not when I want. I don’t want anyone anymore. If a 12-year-old friendship can make you feel like this in an instant then no friendship would go to make it worth it for me.
She was not just a friend to me she was like family. I always put myself 2nd and put her 1st, but No! I hate myself for doing that now. Maybe I’m someone who expected so much.
Why keep holding that rope if it’s hurting your hand? Why keep holding that rope of friendship if she thinks you’re not sufficient for her? Why keep holding the rope if she talks to you when her other friends are not available? Why keep holding that rope if she just wants you as a backup friend to company her?
But still, the voices of my heart are shouting to me to keep holding that rope even if it hurts. I can’t forget everything, I can’t forget those millions of good memories which we shared, just because of these few mistakes I can not deny seeing the good in her and just pointing out her mistakes. My heart wants me to believe in her.
My heart says, she did everything when she haven’t had me. I can’t always and everywhere be with her, she did it right. She made new friends to give her company, she can’t be alone. She made new friends because maybe I didn’t fit well in her interpretation. She talked about me to her new friends, and she told them she also has a best friend, what if she introduced me to them as a stupid introvert who just has her? My heart still wanna believe all she did was right in some way.?
Everything she did is not all wrong if I presume from her point of view it’s almost right, except for the fact she lied to me. Why does she do that? I don’t know why she lied to me, I wasn’t someone who had her best friend get into prison and not let anyone talk to her, she has all her freedom but why she hid her new friendship with her new friends from me? I ain’t gonna snatch them and make my friends. Nobody knows me better than her so she knew I take time to make friends. I don’t know where I went wrong.
Or maybe I am a bad person. I am only flashing her mistakes, I did the mistakes too. The biggest mistake I did is-I failed to give her the time that she deserved so she found somewhere else. And I should be happy for her.
