I Didn’t Use To Be Like This
I’m changing faster than I can keep up.
We all love it when our efforts are acknowledged. We like it when someone affirms us by their gestures or by their words. We feel seen. I'm yet to meet anyone who has no appreciation for kind words.
Whether words of affirmation are your primary love language or not, you'd agree that compliments can act as boosters to one's confidence and overall self-image.
To take it a step further, compliments from those dear to us can light us up brighter than a Christmas tree.
This makes me wonder, what is it about compliments that make them special? Is it really in the compliments themselves, or is it about the people that give them? Or is it both? These days, I realize that compliments, beautiful as they are, barely hold water for me.
I don’t recall ever making a conscious decision to start taking them lightly. Neither can I tell when or how this came to be my life, but I stopped taking compliments seriously. Here’s why that’s a little alarming for me.
I used to be a sucker for compliments. Words of affirmation used to be my topmost love language, and I can tell you from experience that complements is to someone whose primary love language is words of affirmation, what assistance is to a toddler. They need it.
It beats me for real how a person who used to depend hugely on compliments could go from that to not giving a cent about it now.
Could it have a thing to do with how I feel about myself, or is it about the giver of the compliment? Could it be that I started doubting their hearts and questioning their intent? Or does it boil down to a matter of flattery and sincerity? Or maybe I just need to get over myself.
You know how we easily believe people’s compliments on days we outdid ourselves, either on our looks or a task. We feel like whoever does say nice things to us in that regard would simply be stating the obvious. We often have a truckload of 'thank yous' at the gate of our lips, ready for them.
But the reverse is the case on days when we are at our least good; compliments are like shockers on those days. They are unexpected. We give one of two reactions; deflect them or prob the giver to ascertain if they’re being sincere or sarcastic. When we are assured of the former, we accept their words.
Whatever the case, I do think feelings like the one I now harbor toward compliments are a call to reflection. I believe that extreme behaviors such as strong aversions and obsessions have deeper roots.
