I had (another) concussion last month: here is what I learned
Take care of your head
I have had at least two concussions in my life, one diagnosed after a boxing fight, and one diagnosed during training. The training-induced one happened , during a week of heavy sparring. I didn’t know it at the time, but after having two confirmed concussions, the symptoms were almost identical.
A few weeks ago, through mix of bad luck and some stupidity leading up to it, I fell on some rocks while carrying a heavy backpack and managed to break my nose, cut my face open, and suffer a mild concussion.
Many of our emotions have a physical source
Have you ever had the experience of sitting at home on a grey day, feeling a gnawing sense of melancholy, dwelling on sad memories and slowly drifting into a sense of existential despair… and the you go for a run outside and come back brimming with joy, positivity and hope for the future? This tells us something about how many of our emotions are caused/mediated by our physical state, and do not necessarily represent some profound insight into the state of our existence. We also allude to this physical-emotional connection when ‘hangry’, or the fear that accompanies a Sunday evening hangover (The Fear).
Well this is especially true for concussion. Typical symptoms include irritability, anger, and feelings of sadness. I noticed myself slipping back into old states of sadness and depression, which initially was quite scary. However, in my older years I have been practicing stepping back from emotions and observing them. It was quite interesting in this case to connect these emotions to the concussion, and I took some comfort from the prognosis that these symptoms typically subside in 2–4 weeks. (Perhaps due to my predispositions, it ended up taking almost six weeks to feel fully close to ‘normal’).
Our heads are robust in many ways, fragile in others
I’ve been punched in the head many times. Anyone who has taken a full force hit has probably been a bit surprised at first that it doesn’t feel as bad as it looks. It’s not nice, but it’s not painful in the way getting punched in the stomach or the solar plexus is. You feel dazed and shocked, but (as long as your brain didn’t go into shutdown mode) you can carry on, many times with a smile to acknowledge your adversary’s success.
Likewise, our brains have a remarkable capacity to regroup and repair, sometimes relocating functions away from damaged areas and picking up tasks elsewhere. Works such as Norman Doidge’s The Brain that Changes Itself, is full of examples of this kind of neuroplasticity.
The flip side of this is that our brains are arguably our most important organ, and are protected by a relatively thin layer of bone that can easily be defeated by the many physical forces that coexist with us on our planet. Bicycle crashes, falling from ladders, and drunken sucker-punches can be all it takes to penetrate that defense.
That all it took was a momentary stumble doing something I love, really highlighted that vulnerability, and put my skateboarding without a helmet and other slightly careless pursuits into perspective.
There is a lot we still don’t know about concussion and mental health
It’s pretty clear now that our mental health is a product of both some biological predispositions, and our environment. Personally, I feel that for a long time we have over-emphasized the former, due to society’s need to categories, monetize and pathologize everything. Look at how long the ‘chemical imbalance’ theory has lingered around, or the DSM handbook diagnosing grief as a clinical condition.
In reality, our physical health, what we eat, the media we consume (both the medium and the message), how we talk to ourselves, the strengths of our relationships, our sedentary indoor lifestyles etc, all effect our brain health.
The process of healing was for me, at first difficult, but later quite profound and beautiful. It has had a lasting impact on how I live now.
The first couple of weeks came with the quietly terrifying thought that comes with any period of mental illness — “is this permanent?”. Am I doomed to feel like this for the rest of my life?
I persevered with my doctor’s advice and limited stimulation to my brain. Which, as a plugged-in knowledge worker was actually quite difficult. Many of what I thought were relaxing past-times — reading, listening to podcasts and music, watching youtube — turned out to be quit stimulating activities on a neurological level. So I was forced to embrace the physical life again. I went for many long walks. I took on some relatively easy but tedious DIY tasks. I met up with friends and just talked. I also eliminated coffee and alcohol. And I got better. And now I feel better than I ever did before.
When I go for a walk or a run now I never bring earphones. I limit the noise from podcasts and other media as much as possible. I was forced into the present and it is a beautiful thing.
Conclusion
Let’s keep it simple:
- Protect your head!
- Be aware of how stimulated you are on a daily basis, is listening to the news quietly bringing you into high-wired anxiety? Can you bare moments of silence?
- Give your mind a healthy diet of food, media, exercise, and social connections.
- Protect your head
