I Thought I Was Workaholic
It was not easier, it only became more tolerable.
I used to embrace hustle culture, burnout culture, grind culture, or whatever its other names. When I turned 18 years old, I thought it is already time to start living a serious life. What kind of serious life? A life where I spend most of my time preparing for my future, studying all day, staying at home, and looking for a job. I was proud of lacking proper sleep and having an unhealthy eating schedule. It felt rewarding because I was such a “hardworking” person.
Aside from employed individuals, students like me also apply this hustle culture to do better in academics. I remember staying up late reading lecture materials and dread grades that are not in 100% remarks, or any value that is below my own “grade standards”. I feel uneasy whenever I do not have any assignments due for the day or do not have any schoolwork left to accomplish. Unlike most students who feel overwhelmed with piling school activities, I feel anxious whenever there is nothing left to do for school. Most of my time is dominated by my academic tasks; with almost nothing to allot for socializing. Later, I developed an academic burnout, which turned my toxic productive self into the opposite. This was when I realized I was not a workaholic, but I was being consumed by overworking and made it a lifestyle.
Here are the things I did to help me overcome this toxic lifestyle
I touched some grass
My life used to revolve in the same four-cornered room doing something “productive”. The sunlight rarely strikes my skin. I only communicate with people through the internet. Ever since I experienced extreme academic burnout, I tried my best convincing myself to spend time beyond my academic endeavors.
I do not decline my friends’ invitations to hang out anymore. It was really challenging the first time because I’ve always claimed to be an introvert. Honestly, I feel happier whenever I have companions nearby.
I started appreciating the simple things
My mind was exhausted trying to work harder and I often overlooked simple things in life. My goals were too unrealistic considering my socioeconomic status, academic background, age, and other factors. I was too busy reaching for something I knew I cannot achieve at the moment. I did not realize the value of my friends’ messages, how my dog greets me every morning, a meal served on the table, and even I had room to sleep on. Little did I know that these are one of the things that keep me alive. Appreciating everything I have right now made me more settled and relaxed.
I tried new things
Being stuck in my academic loop was so boring. I tried to explore new interests so I can look forward to something every day. I started attending workshops, exercising, watching movies, listening to new music, and doing literally anything that is not school-related. It helped me feel refreshed every time I need to finish my school tasks. I consider these new hobbies as a breather and an opportunity to help myself further realize my own potential.
There is no such thing as adult life
I still do not know the answer to the question I asked to myself when I was 18: how does an adult live? My childish acts naturally come whenever I feel comfortable with the people around me. Maybe the hustling, adult life I used to romanticize was nonexistent after all.
There will always be a spark of youth and endearment for joy regardless of age. It seemed like the world became too demanding with extraordinary human qualities that everyone forgot their unique identities and ways to enjoy life. This toxic lifestyle taught me that there is more to life, like a space of stillness to retreat whenever everything feels like crumbling apart.
To be frank, I am not contented with my life right now. I am just proud that I made it more tolerable. I still have a lot of struggles to address and they come every day.
How about you? Have you ever found yourself in a hustling culture?
