Healing & Growth

I Went Out With A Narcissist Before I Knew What A Narcissist Was

And what a waste of time and energy that was!

Órla K.
Know Thyself, Heal Thyself

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Image by Yaoqi on Unsplash

It’s funny how long it takes to understand what happened after being in an emotionally abusive relationship.

The way they play with your mind and emotions is unreal.

I would never try to trick someone into doing anything for me.

However, they say we all manipulate in small ways, but nothing like what I experienced with a guy I went out with when I was in my 20s.

Even now after thinking about it and processing it further, the pieces are only starting to click into place.

Did he really do all that so he could marry me and have children with me?

And the hard part of all the grooming, love bombing, flattery, and lies was that society encouraged it.

Women are meant to want to get married.

Women are meant to be happy when a man sends them red roses

Women are not meant to act ungrateful when she is not excited about said flowers.

Women should be happy to be chosen. After all, many girls would be happy to have that man.

Women are told to hold onto their man (even if he’s an arrogant pig).

As the gifts keep coming, we are to be overjoyed, even though we feel something is off, yet no one confirms it.

It was hell!!!

I hated it all, yet I was pushed, persuaded, and coerced into going along with the show just to please everyone.

I was confused. Why did they all want this?

Because to be single was unacceptable and to not want a partner was to be considered strange.

At that stage in my life, I was not fully aware of how others believed they owned me. I was to have no say.

This is what you must do.

My sister was always saying how fussy I was and that I should be grateful to have a nice (narcissistic) man (to control me).

I don’t listen to her anymore.

My mother was programmed from her generation and I suppose she didn’t want to look like a bad mother for having a daughter who was questioning society’s norms. So she was pushing me to marry him.

My father was no help either, although he did say he didn’t like him, but he did nothing to support me.

So, I was alone with the abuse.

Lies, lies, lies.. that’s all it was.

My mind could not work out why this guy kept calling me, coming to see me, and giving me gifts when I knew in my heart and soul that he didn’t give a damn about me.

He had no interest in anything I said, no interest in anything I had done before I met him, and no interest in getting to know me.

His only goal was to move me out of my location to his, get married, give him kids, and become his property.

It was horrendous.

I only got away from him because I would not open my heart to him.

He couldn’t make me love him and this infuriated him.

He would often ask me why I would not let him in.

I thought I loved him, but deep down I knew my heart was not safe in his hands and I was right.

I gave him the benefit of the doubt to see if there was anything in him, but no.. he was empty.

In the end, I got bored with him and depressed, but he stayed around for a while until finally, he had enough. I outsmarted him and he was enraged.

I told him we would have to get to know one another better and build the relationship, but he couldn’t do that because he had already given me all that he had. He had used all his tricks and still, I wasn’t his.

Finally, he aggressively ended it in the most cruel and heartless way.

He had to punish me. He hated that I had a mind of my own. A narcissist cannot stand it when you have a self. I was a strong woman. He just happened to find me when I was at a low point in my life.

I am not one to label a person a narcissist without looking closely at the character traits and behaviors but he fits the criteria perfectly.

The Bible would refer to his behavior as deceitful, wicked, and unrighteous. A narcissist is a deeply selfish, egocentric person. They have not learned how to love, have little to no empathy, and have a deep sense of entitlement.

They seriously believe everyone is beneath them when really they just feel inadequate and need to belittle others to feel important.

This article is in response to KTHT’s March prompt…

  • Write about who kicked you when you were at your lowest.

The man I mentioned above was the person who kicked me when I was at my lowest. With all the pressures going on in my life at that time plus the added pressure of him, I became depressed.

I wanted to end the relationship, but he insisted on sticking around so he could take advantage of my weakness to feel superior.

It was hard to believe a young man could be so cold-hearted but I thank God for it as it woke me up to how wicked people can be.

Do not think the devil will show up looking scary, it is quite the opposite, he will show up like this guy did… as a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

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Órla K.
Know Thyself, Heal Thyself

Learn about mental, emotional, and spiritual heath. Top writer in Travel. Christian Life Coach/Substack: https://orlakenny.substack.com/