“I Will Tell Your Mummy”: The 5 Words That Lead To Sexual Abuse
And why all parents must remember their power
When the man entrusted by my parents to take care of the house and keep an eye on their children, started to abuse me sexually, it started with these 5 words, “I will tell your mother”. Going on 30 years, I have never forgotten them.
What will my sexual abuser tell my mother?
To set the stage, it had just rained and as a six-year-old child, I was fascinated by rain and was outside playing. Two things about this: my mother doesn’t like it when we play in the rain because she tells us we will catch a cold. Secondly, I was catching rainwater with her shoe — I knew my mother would not be pleased.
In this situation, my sexual abuser found me and asked to molest me — how he said it, I cannot remember. What I do remember was my fear that something bad was about to happen to me — and I did not want that.
Then he said, “If you do not come with me, I will tell your mother”.
Among my friends with parents, I might be the only one who is opposed to flogging my child. I am also the only one who will ask, “Why?” if I ask her to do something and she answers, “No” or “Why” as opposed to, “Yes sir!”.
My approach to parenting has led to more than a few comments:
“Why is your child so outspoken?” African (girls) children are trained to be more demure.
“Why does she not jump up and get on with what you have asked her to do? Okwy, get a cane! You are spoiling your child”.
“Okwy, okay, okay, I know you are not strict but flog her once so that the rest of the time, you can threaten her with, ‘I will beat you,’ and even if you don’t, she will obey you immediately…”
When I must defend my parenting to those who I do not put in the same position, I always tell them that I want my child never to doubt that come rain or shine, I will give her the benefit of the doubt in any situation before whipping out my cane, screaming, insulting or saying, “I told you…”
Recently, I overheard my child’s nanny saying to her, “I will tell your mummy that…”
Immediately my daughter started going, “Please no…I am sorry. Please don’t tell my mummy…”
I nearly dropped dead of a panic attack.
It seemed my head was spinning as the memories of my sexual abuse were trying to engulf me.
“Never again tell my child that!” I snapped at the young girl.
She looked surprised. It is a normal thing to say to misbehaving children, I’m certain, she was thinking. And which parent wouldn’t want to know that just mentioning that even in their absence, they have that power over their child’s (mis) behavior? Well, I. I have a problem with those five words. Do not tell that to my child — ever.
I thought I should warn my friends that someone can take advantage of their child’s naivety to hurt them by saying, “I will tell your mummy…” but I got mixed responses with most going:
“Okwy has started again…”
“Okwy, you will not beat your child, their nanny cannot beat or yell at them and now, you are asking them not to even say this? How will they get a child to behave?”
Well, whoever said parents are one-trick ponies? Study wide and see other hacks from others and I stand by it:
“I will tell your mummy/daddy…” from the words of an adult with a nefarious purpose, can have a lifelong implication for your child and you should know it, if for nothing else, so you warn your child about refusing something bad and reporting it to a trusted adult.
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