I’m 22 Years Old And I Don’t Know Where My Life Is Going
and lessons I’ve learned throughout my early adulthood journey
Where am I in life right now?
That’s the grand question. I get asked that when I’m around a group of friends or estranged family members who are expecting the most from me.
To be honest, I’m not sure where I want to be. My brain bounces back and forth from one life path to another — confusing me even further. The question seemed much easier to answer when I was a kid, but I didn’t have the pressure that I have today.
There’s this pile of weight on my shoulders that weigh me down as I try finding that life purpose that everyone so desperately wants to find for themselves. As I do that, am I just missing out on opportunities that I could’ve had a long time ago? Do I just settle?
So where am I in life right now?
Let’s take a look.
The Taste of Failure
That sounds dramatic, right?
It’s true though. I feel as if I’ve failed in some way.
We are all expected to know what our life is going to look like when we’re young and haven’t had a glimpse into what the world looks like. In high school, we have to prepare for the “real world” in which many of us are asked to make a decision that will dominate our lives. We are asked to choose a life path when we aren’t ready or have no way of knowing what that may be.
There are few people who have known their purpose all their lives and are happy with the choice they’ve made. I thought I knew what that was too.
During my senior year of high school, my plan was to go to school for psychology because I thought I could help people. I had always been a good listener with my friends, and they came to me when they were going through it. However, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was mentally and emotionally draining.
Due to my indecisiveness, I decided not to go to college for a while because I didn’t know what to go for. Looking back, I regret it.
For some people, college is trial and error and it takes some exploration before finding what their talents are.
I was waiting for my purpose to find me when I should’ve been the one chasing it.
Even More Failure
I guess failure has a way of following me.
During my time away from the idea of college, I hopped from job to job. I don’t know what I expected, but I had bad luck with the experiences I faced while working. That alone was a sign that it wasn’t working out for me.
After a few years, I made the wise decision to go back to school. While attending, I realized I didn’t like it. Shocker, right?
I changed my course of study many times, but I wasn’t as passionate as I should’ve been. Where was the drive? The motivation? I had nothing.
At the same time, I started my own business in social media management. While I saw others online reaching that success, I wasn’t seeing the same success being reflected in my own business. Desperately, I poured my money into something that I was passionate about, but it’s eight months in since I started my business and I haven’t seen any return of investment.
This journey seems a lot harder than I expected it to be. Failure doesn’t feel good especially when your friends or peers seem to have their lives figured out.
I wish I enjoyed the journey more.
Summer Reflection
This summer has been filled with contemplation on what to do next. It had been filled with many ups and downs — with mainly downs.
Seclusion has been part of my daily routine for months. I wanted to alone, so I had more time to spend on my own thoughts instead of being consumed by everyone else’s. This gave me the ability to self reflect and understand what my strengths are, so I could focus on building them.
I’ve always wanted to be a writer. Books have inspired me since I was a kid because they served as my escape from reality. I always wanted to invoke the same emotions that I got from books as a kid.
I’ve always wanted to be an artist of some kind. I wasn’t a good one in terms of drawing. It’s a skill I never worked on enough to turn that into something. Artists have the opportunity to take that skill and turn it into multiple career paths.
The hardest part of self refection is trying to pick yourself apart — the good and bad parts.
Going Forward
Life is hard when you’re not prepared to see what it has in store for you.
That was a painful realization for me.
Some lessons I’ve had to come to terms with is:
- Enjoy every stage of your life even when it’s not where you want to be
- Don’t fall into the expectations of others
- Normalize indecisiveness — you aren’t always going to have everything figured out
- Going to college doesn’t mean you’re going to be successful
- You’re going to have to take action in order for your life purpose to unfold
So, what’s next?
I decided to change of course of study to graphic design. While exploring the world of entrepreneurship, I realized how much graphic design interested me. For now, that’s what I want to go for. If it changes, it changes.
I’m trying to enjoy the flow instead of going against it. I suggest all of you to do the same.
“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” — Eleanor Roosevelt
