Intoxication — The state of FLOW
When you allow yourself to be consumed
The first time I tasted alcohol (a Gin-based mocktail), was a few months back. At the age of 31. It was a single drink. At a social gathering.
I have been offered alcohol and mocktails before — at gatherings, family weddings, my own wedding, and other occasional dinner parties with friends. But I always said no. There was no specific reason. My father told me when I started my Undergraduation in medicine, at the age of 18, to not touch alcohol till the legal age of 21. I obeyed. When I turned 21, strangely, I wasn’t really waiting to have a sip. Years passed, and never really did I feel the need to have a drink. Even if my friends had a beer or a mocktail or anything, I had an iced tea or lemonade.
A few months back, though, in a gathering, I was offered, and I accepted, fully confessing that I shall not have it should I not like it. Not that I loved it, but yes, I didn't hate it. It was an experience for me, and for all practical purposes, I convinced myself that I need to have at least one mocktail in my choices should I ever be in a situation later where I am obliged to order one (okay I confess that the likelihood of such a hypothetical scenario where I am “obliged” to drink is extremely Low). But no, I wasn’t intoxicated, it was just a drink.
The first time I fell in love at the age of 19, it made me feel like she was the reason for my existence. The first time I had a heartbreak, I went into (subclinical) depression for a year.
The first time I saw my daughter (3 years, and that day is still fresh in my mind as if it happened just yesterday) as our OBGYN delivered her, she was all I could think of those initial days — my entire life (and my wife’s, my parents’, everyone in our home rather) revolved around her — even our morning chores and nature’s calls would be timed to make sure she is not left unattended or out of sight / out of hearing, even for a second.
Recently I came across the dance of the whirling dervishes. I read about it in “The Forty rules of love” by Elif Shafak; and I googled it, saw a few YouTube videos as well. It sure feels like being intoxicated, filled and consumed by a singular idea — being closer to God.
Just 2 days back, I lay down on my bed hearing this immensely beautiful piece of music (Ask-i-Huma, by Can Atilla), and let me tell you — this is a masterpiece. Well yes, music is a very personal choice, to all. I personally prefer to listen to instrumental, because it gives my mind the freedom to feel anything — I could be listening to a song and feel emotionally free, or inspired, or even flooded with nostalgia, depending on what my inner state at the time is. Or I could feel inspired and motivated, filled with passion for hearing something that is driving. As I listened to this song, the violin is beautifully portrayed — it keeps coming back and forth throughout the song, until finally towards the end it is drowned by drums and piano, only to re-emerge with a glowing beauty, like a rising Phoenix, from the background, and take over.
If you ask me about my favorite music artiste or album or the genre, I have no answer, but music fills my very soul. All through nearly 32 years of my life, and all its ups and downs, puberty and teens and heartaches and friendships and brotherhood and love and marriage and fatherhood, the singular thing that has always been my go-to escape as well as celebration, is music.
Intoxication — Google it. In half of the first-page results, there is a mention of alcohol either as an example, or as part of the very definition. Click on the Images for intoxication — it will probably take you some time to find an image without alcohol.
On the contrary, though — intoxication is a beautiful state. It’s a state where you are completely in the present moment. There is no thought of worry or regret or even a future ambition when you are intoxicated. Intoxication could be because of anything — I have personally never been intoxicated due to alcohol. Love, fatherhood, and music have been my ‘drugs’ in the limited (nearly) 32 years of my life so far.
To me, intoxication is a state where you (unwillingly) are able to shed all the layers that wrap your existence and bare instead your true self — your intended self. You shed your worries, you shed your fears, you shed away your inhibitions, you shed away your ambitions and wants, desires, greed — you become completely ONE with the present moment and your intoxicating “drug” (which could be anything that fills your mind at that very moment)— and you bare yourself to the world.
Intoxication comes to one doing something passionately — be it playing or listening to music, or an instrument, or a sport, or a racecar driver negotiating turns, a surgeon performing intricate surgery, a lover making love to his beloved, a poet writing about his innermost feelings, a woman in labour thinking of nothing but her forthcoming baby’s wellbeing; you can think of countless examples.
Being intoxicated is a state of true existence. Some need alcohol or other drugs to feel so true. But once you realize that intoxication is not a negative thing, and in fact one of the most vulnerable yet purest forms of existence, you start seeing things differently.
Being intoxicated with life — if that becomes the goal, I dare you to dream all that you could, and I promise you shall be successful.
