Is It True Love Or Is It Just ‘Mamata’?
If you confuse self-interest for love, you’re setting yourself up for trouble.
Narendra was lying motionlessly on the floor. Hiding her sorrow, his mother tried to calm Narendas's bitterly crying wife.
‘HELLO? HEEEELLLLOOO?’ a commanding yet tender voice was shouting from the outside. Narendra master appeared unexpectedly. He could not have chosen a better time.
‘Narendra, come out. Quickly! I have some important work for you.’
The women, overwhelmed by the situation, failed to react.
‘Narendra, are you sleeping again? Nonsense fellow!’ the master shouted, blasting through the poorly shut door into the house.
‘What happened?’ the master asked.
‘We went to the kitchen, just for a few minutes. Then we heard a loud noise and found him like that.’ Narendra mother answered.
‘We don't know what to do. Say, revered master, may you be willing to help?’
‘We’ll see,’ the master answered, faking distress. He bent down closely to examine Narendra. After a while, he stopped and sat down on the floor, next to the motionless body.
‘A terrible sickness has fallen upon him. Almost all his life force is gone already, and it’s waning quickly. We have to act now, but it won’t be easy.’
‘Please master, do whatever is necessary! Without my beloved Husband, life has no meaning to me. How shall I survive?’ Narendras wife bursted.
‘He’s my only child, the only treasure of my life. Please, o master, continue at all cost’ his mother begged.
‘Very well. I’ve seen this before, and I’m able to cure it. His life force needs to be fully restored. Unfortunately, he is too weak already. The only way to help him is to transfer the vital force of another person into his body. This has to happen now, as I cannot do anything once the vital energy has left his body completely. In this way, he will survive, but the other person won’t.’
Shocked by the master's words, the women anxiously stared into each others eyes.
‘I’ve done my duty in this world already and wou’d be happy to leave,’ the master said, ‘but I have to carry out the procedure. One of you is needed. Now. We have a few moments left, at best.’
‘’’I’M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!’ Narendras wife exploded. ‘Also, who would care for the children? I can not sacrifice myself.’
She fell into silence, shifting her view towards her stepmother.
‘My poor Narendra. I love him, it’s true. But the truth is also that he has never been the smartest or hardest working person. His meager salary would never suffice to pay for the house and care for the children. Without my support, their future would be grim. It’s best for his family when I stay. I’m sure my Narendra would agree.’
‘Are you really, MOTHER?’
Narendra opened his eyes, causing his wife to faint in disbelief.
‘Since father's death, I‘ve been sacrificing myself to provide for you, for my wife, and the children. I did so happily, believing you love me as much as I love you. I’m utterly disappointed. But now I understand, it has never been about me. It has always been about what I can do for you. Thanks to my master, I can now see that clearly’.
‘I’m going to leave you immediately. I’ll devote my life to finding real love.’
And so, Narendra and his master left — never to return.
As Narendas love ended in disappointment, so does it regularly. Why is that?
For this to understand, we have to understand the true nature of love.
Mundane love is mainly a biochemical reaction. Something within the outer world provokes a cascade of events inside of us. This internal cascade has a unique, pleasant feeling to it, which we call love.
Animals are also capable of experiencing this feeling. We can observe it in cows, carefully licking their young calves. In Penguin spouses when they show their affection by performing an ‘extatic dance’ after having been apart and in many other species, which show some sort of behaviour like grooming anothers back, expecting no immediate return.
This form of mundane love is known as ‘mamata’ in the Sanskrit language — the language of the yogis. Mamata is also translated as ‘mineness’.
When we direct our feelings of mamata towards something or somebody, we’re pulling that entity close towards us. So close, that we feel it being almost part of us. Mundane love is the feeling of mineness.
It makes us care ardently about whatever we direct it towards. It mobilizes tremendous energy and ensures we keep that, what we think we depend on. It is somewhat necessary for our survival.
Narendas wife immediately thought about her own survival when faced with his possible death.
Love also has it’s cost. If something we love is threatened, it feels almost as if we were threatened. Losing something we love almost feels like losing a part of ourselves. It is intense and unpleasant and accordingly we react — often times uncontrolled and impulsive, leading to undesireable outcomes.
Narendas wife could not help herself but to weep and to beg for the master to help her husband.
Mundane love, mamata, forms a strong emotional bondage. A bondage that makes us bound to undergo certain feelings according to what somebody or something does or undergoes. We become emotionally tied to something we can not control. We’re doing this because we subconsciously think, that the benefit outweighs the risk. Nature made us that way.
None of the two women knew about the drama, Narenda and his master had prepared. They were innocent. Yet they both had to undergo intense suffering because of Narendas actions. They had no other choice but to suffer because of something they could not control.
Loving something limited always bears the potential for a backlash. The more intense we love, the more intense we might be hit. We’re set up for trouble in a big way.
Does love then make us doomed to suffer?
No.
By directing our love towards the most special part within ourselves, that feeling can no longer disappoint us. The special part within ourselves is nothing other then our highest self, our divine soul, the reflection of god upon ourselves. Pure consciousness.
For it can never leave us, it makes for the only truly reliable object of adoration. How could it ever leave us? What would we become, how should we even continue to be, without consciousness having our back?
By directing our love towards our highest self we can transform mamata, mundane love, into ‘shreya’ — supreme benevolence. We become capable of loving without being loved. This is true love, selfless love.
That way we are able to feel the sweetness of love, without the taint of selfishness and the bondages it entails. We’re installing ourselves right next to the spring of the sweet nectar we crave, from where nothing can carry us away.
Overflowing with love, we become a fountain of joy for everyone around us, for we possess more of it then we could ever need. In that way we can truly benefit the ones we love, for our love knows no conditions.
Aiming for shreya instead mamata makes us free and enables us to relief others from their suffering. It is the path Narenda most selfishly took after understanding the true nature of his relationships.
Go out and love everything, being aware that everything is a manifestation of your own self. That way you're setting yourself up for success.
Victory will be yours.
