I’ve Been Shot! (With a Label Gun)
But it’s that kickback that does the most harm.
I GOT SHOT!
People have called me lots of things in life. Put me into categories, bulleted me with labels. Some of those labels do have remnants of truth, some pieces and parts, others were just way off.
No one has been fully right. No one can be.
No one else is me, so how can they really know?
And honestly, I don’t even think I can fully represent me with a word, a category, or a label.
But people sure like to try.
We do like like our categories and labels.
WHY WE LIKE TO SHOOT.
I understand the shooting, I’ve labeled and categorized people too — though I really am trying to see beyond this, see fresh, and not do this any more.
Labels make us feel better though.
They are an easy way of making us believe we really know something. Like because we decided to assign a label to this person, we really know all kinds of things about them now. The categories us comfort by helping us believe we know more than we do. But we don’t.
For instance, if I say “oh yeah, he’s really outgoing”.. there are a hundred things I think I know about this person now, and chances are I’ve planted a seed in your head that makes you believe it too. And maybe “outgoing” feels okay, but what if I say, “he really is full of himself, very egoistical”. That label isn’t nearly as fun, is it? That seed’s not growing into anything good. But I’ve said it now, and so there are a hundred things we both think we know about that person.. and chances are, most of them are not so tasty. Nor are they correct.
THESE BULLETS AREN’T FAIR
Labeling and Categorizing isn’t fair. We know this right?
Yet we do it all the time.
You may think I’m talking about it not being fair to the person your labeling. You’re right, its not fair to them.
But what I’m really worried about is the kickback of YOU firing that gun.
What I’m really worried about is how this hurts you.
And trust me, I am speaking from experience.
THE KICKBACK OF THAT SHOT YOU FIRED.
When you put a label on someone, you hurt yourself more than the person you’ve labeled. I know this. I’ve lived this. I’ve done this.
The kickback of you labeling someone robs you of something precious and wonderful. Something you may never get back as you keep reinforcing what you now think you know.
As soon as you fire that gun, you’ve narrowed your life.
You’ve narrowed your experience and cut out an entire realm of possibility from your life. You now presume you know something, when you actually know very little about that person. How can you?
But once you label, your label becomes self-fulfilling. You won’t be able to see passed it or around it. You will convince yourself you are right and believe it deeper and deeper.
Thus a breadth of possibility and experience that you once may have been able to experience with that person, is gone. You killed it with your gun.
That Kickback is a b!*ch.
WHAT HAPPENS NOW?
Now you only see what you’ve put out there. You don’t see that person any more, you see your label. You’ve narrowed your field of view so that you only see their “outgoingness” or you only see their “self-centeredness”.
There are a thousand other things that may be happening, but this is what you see. And by seeing it, you will experience it, and you will entrench your belief. You will be convinced you really know this person well .. and in so doing, you lose possibility as the real truth of this person’s life begins to fade.
ITS A SLIPPERY SLOPE
I have a friend who is wholly and fully into using labels as tools.
I understand this and I’m not saying to throw out all those personality and behavior tests. They can be helpful in you understanding you.
But as soon as you start putting those labels on someone who is not you, that is a slippery slope that few can stand upright on.
My friend has put me in several categories and has labels for me as well. Others have done this too. Sure, I resemble some of those things, but because the label is so prominent for them, it becomes so self-fulfilling, and now this is their reality and field of view. Regardless of what I do.
Now much is missed.
Possibility is being lost.
Experiences that could be, are fading.
The label becomes the thing.
The person becomes the label.
Anthony De Mello in an essay on Love says it this way….
“As soon as you have a belief you have concluded about a person or situation or thing, you have now become fixed and have dropped your sensitivity. You are prejudiced and will see the person through the eyes of that prejudice. In other words, you will cease to see the person again.”
I’VE BEEN SHOT! — Wanna know with what?
I’ve been called a “runner”, and that is indeed something within me. There are some things I run from, I hope you run from some things too. But its not who I am.
I’ve been called an “avoidant”, and that is indeed something within me. There are somethings I avoid, I hope you avoid some things too. But its not who I am.
I’ve been called a “genius”, and that is indeed something within me. There are some things I am really good at, I hope you have things you are really good at too. But its not who I am.
There is so much more to me than you know.
There is so much more to you than anyone knows too.
CAN WE LAY OUR GUNS DOWN?
There are people in my life I have labeled, and I surely wish I wouldn’t have. I know I am missing out on so much. Once you’ve fired that gun, its a difficult thing to pull back on.
There are people in your life that you have labeled, you may not even realize it, but you have narrowed your world and cut out entire realms of possibilities because of it.
Can we be more careful with those labels and categories?
Lets maybe rethink the ones we’ve fired already.
Maybe we will realize we’ve done this subconsciously too.
People are amazing. People are fascinating.
People have the capacity to surprise us if we let them.
And if we are to truly love, we need to be able to see people new everyday.
Beyond labels.
Beyond categories.
Let’s express, experience, and love.
With open minds and open hearts.
Let’s lay those labels down.
Will you join me?
Let go and Let’s Go!
- jeff
