Live Your Answers
Experiencing the contrasts of yourself
For most of my life, contradictions coexisted within me, ones I sought to understand and balance. I often oscillated between what I knew to be right and what I truly felt in the moment.
I underwent therapy for about a year until my relationship with my mentor ended. The therapist helped me through a severe crisis, but now I am alone. One-on-one with myself. Again. On the one hand, I felt anxiety and doubt — will I cope? On the other hand, I was inspired to let myself off the leash.
I gave myself the right to doubt.
I gave myself the right not to follow authorities.
While still in Israel, significant changes occurred in my consciousness. Perhaps my mentor’s primary task was to reassure me periodically that I wasn’t going insane.
Knowledge was constantly loaded and unpacked in my consciousness. Sensitivity increased, visions occurred. During that time, I began drawing because I couldn’t share what was happening in my mind with anyone. I couldn’t explain it to myself, if I had wanted to.
I remember starting to read a book called “Mind Power.” After reading it for several nights, I put it aside with quiet surprise. I realized that I already knew the principles in this book. Intuitively, I already understood how energy works, but how did I know what I knew?
As this question echoed in my mind, I made a decision. I allowed myself time to rely on my intuitive knowledge, which unfolded in my experience and practice. I removed all literature where answers might hide and decided to listen to my “inner teacher.” I understood that this was the only way I could truly feel the answers and rely on my living knowledge.
I had experience of following the prescriptions of an Indian temple for five years. It taught me to question blind trust in authorities. I repeated truths and rules spoken by others. It was both, inspiring and draining because my essential questions remained unanswered. Or rather, the answers have already been given, but they are like a frozen image in time.
At that time, I didn’t know the difference between knowing and realizing something. Based on my experience, I can say: knowledge comes from outside, realization happens within. I felt a huge difference.
Incoming information, like any idea to the mind, provokes it into a mental strategy within seconds. The mind starts creating an image in consciousness based on the thinking acquired throughout life. If the formed image has reinforcing external rituals and encouragement from the immediate environment, it can solidify in this game for a long time. One of the strongest instincts kicks in — the survival instinct. In our time, the survival instinct projects onto patterns of social interaction. Everything that does not correspond to this formed image and the goal derived from it is sharply rejected.
“To live with wolves is to howl like a wolf” — a Russian proverb.
Realization is like a process of remembering. A eureka moment. It includes your entire structure of existence. Body, mind, spirit. Your nature, your essence, awakens. After many years of following something external, you receive the gift of ancient memory. The light of realization touches the darkness of the mind and you feel it. Any old strategy won’t work here as before. The internal assemblage point is redistributed. The main thing is the feeling, the feeling that this knowledge is part of you, this is your truth… or just the truth.
To feel… that’s the key.
This space can be scary and uncomfortable because there are no instructions or a predictable plot. We were taught to fear the unknown, taught to see the world as a dangerous place.
Often this space shows what you are not.
In my situation with mentor, I began to pay closer attention to internal impulses. If everything inside me didn’t agree, I left room for my eureka to come. Though I didn’t know what lay ahead, I knew I had myself and we were beginning to understand each other.
Maybe contrasts are given to see the picture clearly.
