Love Rightly, Hurt Carefully
Ending Relationships Doesn't Have To Be Messy
Many relationships that have blissful beginnings often have an end. While some blissful beginnings blossom into happily ever after, others sadly, do not.
I’ve been in love and I have let beautiful relationships go, but it doesn’t mean there wasn’t love in the mix, nor respect, nor was there an absence of the warm, fuzzy, feeling of connecting with another soul on a level beyond the physical. I had all that but the relationship simply wasn’t meant to be and we parted ways with understanding and acceptance of what was.
I was hurt that we were breaking apart, but it wasn’t messy or earth-shattering because ending relationships aren’t supposed to be messy.
I have met people who leveled with me on a plane beyond the physical which is so rare I choose to cherish those memories for the rest of my life instead of soiling them in hurt, pain, and regret at the way we ended things, wishing I had never met him in the first place.
It makes no sense to hack something so beautiful and pure I’ve created with another human to death? I’ll never settle to put my partner through tremendous amounts of misery because things didn’t work out when I can appreciate what we had and look forward to what is and will be with another person I’ll grow to love.
Opening my heart to love in the first place wasn’t a crime, because love is the most beautiful, and purest feeling one can ever be gifted and I wouldn’t choose to abuse it because it’ll forever live on in my heart. It’ll be a constant reminder of the love I’ve given and received all my life. These reminders will be evidence of my growth through love and not a dreaded place of doom and gloom.
I’m still in shock at the heartbreaking and emotionally devastating separation of the two best people I know in the world. I was in awe of how they grew in love and rooted for my best friend to have all she’s ever dreamed of with her partner who is dearest to me.
It didn’t occur to me then that I’ll one day witness the most brutal separation borne out of discord and family interference. While I cradled her broken form in my arms, I couldn’t stop asking myself — “how hard can it be to love rightly and hurt carefully?”
I still haven’t understood why I’ll ever choose to love for all the other reasons except the right one. Why I’ll choose not to embrace my partner wholly despite his flaws, his past, his mistakes, and love him without a doubt.
She was emotionally devastated and torn to shreds to realize that the love she craved was merely built upon a sliver of hope they had envisaged will happen in a foreseeable future, and when it wasn’t forthcoming, their relationship crumbled to dust.
I watched with horror as they both tore down the walls and attacked each other with a viciousness that shook me to the core. That’s when it struck me. The realization that I had no right to brandish the flaming torch at anyone, much more a person I claimed to have loved because it is emotionally damaging and mentally triggering.
I’ll choose communication and understanding over hurting another carelessly. I will never put a person I claim to have loved through the worst mental torture I can think of because I intentionally wish to leave him broken and drained to even try again, filling his heart with lasting scars just so I can feel powerful on my way out.
It is disgusting and repulsive, and I hope to never get caught up in a situation that nasty nor witness it in my life, ever again.
In all honesty, I was appalled at unreal the façade of love can truly be. Believing I’m in love one minute, and the next, I’m horrified by the actions of the one I’m in love with, wishing we never met.
I believe the universe has a plan for me. I believe in true love and want it for myself. Yet, I know I have to be open to receiving love when it comes even if I’m unsure of it or doubt that he will be mine forever.
It doesn’t make falling in love a crime, does it? So also leaving a relationship shouldn’t end in a bloodbath. I crave to live a life where I can tell stories of my journey through love, and how it shaped me, the lessons I’ve learned, and the beauty of it all. I don’t want the only thing I ever get to share with my grandkids to be horrid experiences of how it broke me, or worse still, live a broken life and have them pick up the pieces.
As much as I won’t ever understand the primal need to have to hurt someone I claim to have loved because things didn’t work out, I’m writing this to you, if you’ve ever been caught in that circle. I have seen firsthand how mentally damaging, emotionally exhausting, physically painful, and how soul-shattering it is to put someone through that type of hell, and I urge you to have a rethink.
I’ll rather appreciate what was than resent something so beautiful it added color and spice to my life. I’ll rather embrace the truth about my relationship, acknowledge why it didn’t work, and look hopefully towards your next opportunity at love than carelessly choose to hurt the one who made me smile at one point.
I have learned the hard way that leaving a relationship doesn’t have to always end in a vicious circle of hurt and pain, because I may end up having my forever with another, but I have unintentionally destroyed another’s chance at forever because I was none the wiser. I’ll choose to love only when I know it feels right to give it a chance, and I’ll do so completely and unashamed.
If in the end it doesn’t work out, I’ll appreciate what was, smile at my courage to have taken the leap, and prepare to take the leap again when I’m most ready.
Loving another is my choice to make, and a chance I’ll have to take until I meet my dearest forever. I won’t ruin a life in the process, because I intend to love rightly and hurt carefully.
