Love Your Critics
They will surely set you free
Zero rating — what a gift!
How Captain Zero set me free…
I am turning inside out with delight as a critic rates a training I delivered at zero.
Out of ten.
Ze.
Ro.
Oh the joy!
The liberation!
After a lifetime spent trying to be good enough — wincing at any whiff of displeasure — my grim disapprover forces my hand. It’s time to drop this futility.
I have to stop caring about being judged and found wanting.
It’s a case of drop the addiction or die…
I can’t live that way any more.
I can’t live for other people’s ratings.
I hadn’t faced my addiction before
I knew it was there, of course. My addiction to approval came with continuous craving: a torturous, insatiable desire for kind feedback.
I had suffered the slings and arrows, many times, of lukewarm receptions and worse, delivering where I wasn’t best fit.
That’s par for the course in organisations where the people in the room aren’t the ones asking for the input.
I am a good trainer, I know it. But I’ve rarely worked with a group who’ve chosen to be there. Mostly, the delegates had no option; often they had zero desire to engage. Sometimes they were in active rebellion.
That’s an insane set up; seen from a vibrational viewpoint.
Make people receive training they haven’t asked for and don’t value.
That’s likely to end in tears…
That set up used to end in tears, right enough.
Mine.
Over and over again.
“Never answer an unasked question.”
Such wisdom, received many moons ago… Guidance to work by, for sure.
Running contrary to this guidance — the organisation required it — try as I might, there was no way to satisfy the judges.
Now — oh joy — I’ve stopped trying!
Avoid the flawed set up
Understanding the flawed set up, with the sting of the zero, I can simply avoid it in future. I can now decide that I will only work with those who have asked for the training.
That’s a good outcome for starters. That’s probably what I will do.
I could shrug off my zero; it said more about my rater than it said about me. The majority were more than pleased with what they received from the session. I could reason my way into soothing.
But boy, it felt sharp, that zero on the screen… More so because I’d enjoyed the session. I’d thought it had gone pretty well.
I actually felt fear as I read through the whole of the slating. Was I really so far off the mark and deluded to boot?
In the past, I’d have fretted and worried and silently seethed at this zero; whilst pretending, to myself and to others, ‘No worries, I’m fine!’
Now, I know just what to do with this darkness. This pit will be mined for the gems it will bring.
Mining the darkness
Nowadays, I know that the darkness brings gems; I know how to mine it. I know it takes a little time.
But it’s SO worthwhile!
Instead of suppressing the fear and the seething — watching them seep into my skin — I surrender to the gifts they will bring.
It took a few days of attention.
Tuning into the active ingredients, the emotions made themselves known. Fear. Grief. Sadness. Rage.
Shame. Humiliation. Dismay.
They came in close succession.
I breakfasted for days on fresh layers of awareness.
I made them all welcome.
Gave them time.
Gave them voice.
Gave them space.
The gems emerge…
What priceless gems emerged from the darkness!
Freedom. Playfulness. Strength flowing fast from within.
And Love.
Unconditional.
All embracing.
Love.
Loving me.
Loving my critic.
Loving the set up.
Loving the fact that I created this — down to the last tiny detail.
I created this!
The entire experience was a perfect match to my vibrational mix on this subject. Mostly well received — aligned — the power of being well in my flow — that’s who I’m allowing myself to be these days.
The shard of discontent? That’s a tiny kick-back; a remnant of the me I used to be: stressed, tortured, under attack.
I created this latest experience, and it’s wonderful to know it!
Not only is it a perfect reflection of my vibrational mixture — showing me what I can now comfortably soothe out of my countenance — but it’s also an exquisite expansion of my why.
My why is emerging from time in the wilderness. It’s about reaching for joy; being here now; it’s about presence and power and delight… But when I focus pristinely, my why distils into one word: Love.
Love with a capital L.
Love without limits.
Love unconditional. Not based upon judgement…
Love without strings attached.
To Love under any and all conditions. That’s what I long to do…
“People are often unreasonable and self-centred.
…[Love]… them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of having ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you.
Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough.
Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anway.”
— Mother Teresa
I long to Love because it’s all I can do.
Because it’s the only way to feel good now; no matter what’s happening around me.
To Love because it’s the most selfish desire I can ever fulfil…
What better practice for a beginner like me than to learn to Love such a critic? To Love her absolute slating.
I Love the freedom her opinions have brought me!
I Love being able to detach from her story.
I Love how she’s forced me to focus!
I Love knowing my wellbeing is assured.
I Love knowing that we never get it ‘wrong’ because we never get it ‘done’!
(How I Love Abraham’s teachings!)
I Love having to head inwards: for strength and reassurance; for guidance and alignment and more…
I Love this experience!
I Love that it has created an even greater version of me — more stable; more grounded; more aligned with success.
I Love how relaxing and allowing and aligning with my joy-stream brings me Home, always and in all-ways; come what may; no matter what anyone says…
Loving Captain Zero!
My addiction to approval dissolves now in smiling.
I LOVE what this critic has given to me!
At last, I am released.
Finally, I’m free to be me.
I dance no more to the tune of my reviewers.
39 other raters ‘liked’ me well enough to put that zero in perspective; and I appreciate them all, for sure.
But Captain Zero, in her slating, set me free.
Acknowledgement: My blogs, my coaching and my life are founded on many wondrous teachings, most particularly those of Abraham-Hicks.
