Love Your Desires!
Especially when they’re completely out of reach…
Wanting the impossible — it’ll drive you insane
Walking my shopping uphill in the dark, the rain resumed. Cold, biting, bleak — the weather met my mood. Wanting to feel Michael with me — it’s a desire that’s been driving me nuts.
Christmas has been tough.
Feeling great with no effort — smiling for weeks and weeks now — didn’t prepare me for the sights, sounds and smells of a season that brings loss into focus once more.
‘All I want for Christmas… is you.’ The song plays everywhere I go…
Law of Attraction meets you where you are
Law of Attraction (LoA) can only meet me where I am on the topic of Christmas — right where I was last Christmas. A long, long way from my current, joyful norm…
Relentless and consistent, LoA plays its matching game. Amplifying my longing for connection…
First, there was a book from a friend — about a woman who has seen angels all around her from the tender age of two. She describes one angel in particular, her own, special angel. An angel called… Michael.
Yeah.
She gets an angel called Michael.
She can see, hear and even touch him.
I can’t help but feel jealous. And then I feel ashamed.
Flames spit at my heart…
I stop at chapter 3 and give the book to charity. I don’t doubt it’s authentic but it’s not helping me.
That same day, in a ‘random’ Abraham clip — a widow speaks. Her husband has just died. Now she feels a gentle, warm presence every waking hour, a soft, physical pressure, like a loving hand resting on the small of her back.
“Is this my husband, comforting me?” she asks.
“Yes! Absolutely “ — the reply.
Abraham then describe how Esther had the same experience after her husband transitioned…
Lucky ducks… I can’t stop the thought.
What I wouldn’t give to feel Michael’s touch, just once!
Envy feeds the fire.
Add in an invitation — to spend the new year with my lovely sister and her dear husband — cancelled the week before Christmas because of sickness…
I know it’s all good… The sickness isn’t life-threatening. They’re both exhausted and need time to recoup. I actually relish being at home by myself over new year.
But my wee inner beastie’s got a cob on.
Yes, as I haul shopping up the hill in the rain, self-pity’s on a roll.
No, all those months of joy do not make me immune…
Tending to my wee inner beastie…
Journal open, I download.
I complain.
I ask for help from my imagined Dream Team. (Their words in italics…)
I hate feeling bereft and alone. It’s worse now than ever, because now I’m so addicted to joy.
Yes. That’s the downside to a life of mostly smiling. Nothing else is bearable. But you do want that to be so…
Yes. I know. But why does it have to take so long for the painful stuff to clear?
You still think you have to fix the problem. You’re still trying to wrestle grief to the ground.
Ok, true. But how do I relax into heartbreak?
How do I truly make peace with what is?
Accept that it might take a few hours, or even a few days.
We are in charge of bringing you up to speed.
That’s not your job.
You’re in charge of making the most of the best feeling thoughts you can find.
Dropping the topic is the fastest way to get out of the smog. You’re doing so much better than you can see right now. Everything is working out for you.
This contraction you’re feeling — is bringing HUGE benefit. You will soon be up to speed with the corresponding expansion.
In the meantime, sleep, knit, dance, shower, walk…
Still your mind and soothe it with pleasant distractions.
That’s truly all you need do.
That exchange wasn’t groundbreaking. It was positively banal, in fact. But it soothed me enough to get my mind back to stillness.
Back to the practice I began at Michael’s bedside.
Breathing in, I remember, there’s no future, no past…
Breathing out, there’s no story, and there’s no need in me now…
A little distraction goes a long, long way
Moving my body, I knew from experience, would go a long way to bringing me up to speed with awareness that would break new ground.
I so didn’t want to dance in that moment. But these days I know how to bring myself up to speed with that desire at least.
Loving the idea of wanting to be dancing was all I needed to do. Soon, I knew, I’d be bopping in style…
So I garden-gazed, drank coffee, softly daydreamed awhile…
Zumba, full-smiling followed swiftly.
But the ground was yet to break beneath me… the best was still to come…
When did the ground break and how did it happen?
I want to pinpoint the moment when it happened. To add drama to the tale and bring specifics to the mix. I want to slow the dawn of bright awareness, because it’s brilliant and I want to share it fully with you now.
This awareness didn’t just return me to my joy. It raised me up to new levels of smiling. I’m loving life so much more on the back of this expansion. Before it, I wouldn’t have thought ‘more’ joy was possible!
So, what brought about the expanded awareness?
One thought was all it took
Awareness crept in so softly that I can’t pin down the moment.
I’ve no idea when reality tipped.
What I do know is the one thought that made all the difference.
It’s a thought that I’m relishing for all that I’m worth.
And I’ve given it to you already.
It’s humble. It’s tiny. It’s a queen in disguise…
The one thought that changed my world this week came from an inner conversation… it went something like this:
I love the idea of being one who… feels connection with Source, with loved ones who’ve died, who knows the love of their inner being and can touch Presence in ways that make life divine.
The thoughts bring a mixture of pleasure and pain. I want the ‘impossible’. No wonder it’s driving me nuts.
You’re a lover, not a hater. My Dream Team chipped in.
It’s the ‘not loving’ that’s driving you nuts.
It’s not about the impossibility of your desire. It’s about the fact that this focus has you ‘not loving’.
You’ve got to find a way of loving what is.
Loving what is…
It’s not about putting a lid on my desire. That much I know already.
What is… is not the storyline. It’s not the loss of Michael or the longing for feeling his hand on my back. It’s not the absence of angel visions or the non-visit with my sister.
Those are outer events and triggers, yes, but they are not the truth of what is, here inside me.
So, what is, here inside me?
It’s simpler than you realise…
Yes?
Boil it down to its essentials…
I have an impossible desire.
Yes.
And I need to love or I can’t be happy.
That’s right.
So… I’ve got to focus my attention on what I can love about the impossible desire.
That’s it…
So…
I can love…?
I can love..
I can love… the fact that I have this desire.
This crazy, impossible dream.
Yes! I can love that!
I do love that!
I love the desires of my heart!
I love the insane ones the BEST!
Bingo!
I love wanting what I want!
I love loving my desires. I love loving! I don’t need specifics. I can love what I want even when I’ve no way of knowing when or even if it could ever come to be.
Staying general and soft-focused, backing away from the details is all it takes to relish the boldness of my dream!
It wasn’t so long ago that I had a different ‘impossible’ desire after all: to be slender and fit; without effort, after a lifetime of addiction to food’s soothing…
If I’d admitted that desire to most people then, they’d have thought me ridiculous.
Everyone knows it takes willpower and discipline — you don’t get to just ‘be’ someone who is aligned with fitness and slenderness and eating whatever they want…
Well, I nurtured that impossible desire and it came into being. So I know the impossible is not so ‘completely out of reach’ after all…
And even if it isn’t ever realised in my lifetime, loving the desire means I get to feel good NOW. Which is all I ever really want, anyhow!
I love wanting what I want!
I love how loving my desires brings me Home!
As long as I am loving I am all lined up inside.
I am Home.
I am delight.
I am joy!
This kind of loving lasts a lifetime!
Unconditional loving at its best…
I will ever be wanting more; so, loving that wanting is a ground-breaking shift…
Gently breaks the ground…
The ground breaks open
gently
beneath my feet.
Not by force from outside itself.
No.
No spade or
blade assault…
The ground breaks
open from
within …
Seeds of desire
are watered…
Relief
softens the soil.
The wanting,
like a seed,
swells in its womb.
The germination of that wanting
has the power to crack concrete!
But gently, so gently
breaks the ground
beneath my feet…
Relish the fact that you’re always wanting more.
It’s the surest, swiftest route to your joy.
Love your desires.
Especially when they’re out of reach.
The joy of it will bring you back Home.
Acknowledgement: My blogs, my coaching and my life are founded on many wondrous teachings, most particularly those of Abraham-Hicks.
