My Dream
To never be a fish out of water again
I moved to another country recently
I did so while being seriously chronically ill, going alone, knowing nobody there, and honestly had no idea if I was going to make the journey
There wasn’t anything logical about this move, if you knew all the facts about what’s been going on in my life and how sick I have been, you would’ve probably encouraged me not to do it
Nothing in me felt ready to do this or wanted to do this
I wasn’t excited, I wasn’t passionate about it
I’m not the same adventure hungry, adrenaline loving, passionate person I used to be
Every fiber of my being wanted safety and familiarity; I wanted secure surroundings for recovery
I legitimately was not sure if I was going to be able to physically endure the journey
There was a huge risk of my health condition worsening to the point of permanent mobility impairment, or much worse
Yet, I also knew that this choice was probably there for a reason, and that I probably didn’t have all the answers as to why yet
My intuition told me to trust, even though it didn’t logically seem safe
It was a sink or swim moment
I choose swim, and I got on the plane despite it all
We live in an easy 1st, comfort driven culture
Are you upset or uncomfortable in any way? Numb yourself out with substances, people, places, or things
Are you sad? Distract yourself with work and material successes
Do you have low self-esteem/self-confidence? Find your validation through lots of social approval in relationships of all kinds
Know deep inside that everything you do in life is rooted in fears of failure and inadequacy? Keep doing the same cycles of unhealthy patterns day by day until death
I am so tired of the backwardness of humanity, and the lack of truth ingrained in every facet of how our society operates
I believe that the most uncomfortable, hard choices in life are the biggest gateways for growth
Growth isn’t fun, it doesn’t feel good
It’s not relaxing, it’s not glamourous
Vulnerability is hard, it’s scary
Taking accountability for yourself and addressing the root of your issues is tough
Making hard, intuition based decisions that are painful but necessary is tough
It doesn’t win you friends or awards
But that’s entirely the point
Living against the grain and always choosing the hard path in this world is like being a fish out of water
It doesn’t feel like you fit in, you’re basically an alien trapped on a hostile planet that’s not designed for you
I dream of a world in which the accumulation of alot of people, choosing to do the hard thing, will make great shifts in life as we know it
That someday, we won’t be an easy 1st, comfort driven society
We will be a society dedicated to inner growth, life-long learning, and the betterment of the planet for every living being
The hard choice will become the norm, and we won’t have to scream truth from the rooftops or hide it in the shadows
That it can be discussed open, freely, accepted and desired
I dream of a world that sees pain as doorways
But until then
I’ll keep making the hard choices
And dreaming of someday not being the fish out of water
But the fish of an ocean filled with life
