My First Experience As A Solo Acoustic Musician, Part 2
A Friend’s Leap Of Faith
I’m probably not the typical musician. I’ve had lengthy lay-offs between musical endeavors, decades between bands, and very few paying gigs since my teens when I spent time as a union musician (unusual for a sixteen-year-old in a small town.) I never stopped playing or practicing over the years, never. I can play that damned guitar. But I stopped making music with others. And I didn’t sing.
I’m going to let you non-musicians in on a little secret. Most musicians, at least most I’ve known, have issues regarding confidence, self-esteem, and anxiety; and exhibit symptoms of depression. Shocker, huh? It’s not confined to just the hit makers and overnight sensations that you’ve heard about.
It’s not exclusive to us music folks, but not uncommon among us. We can be too confident or cocky; confident in certain areas and insecure or overly self-critical in others. Some of us are just a fucking mess but hide it well. I’m sure you’ve heard stories of some famous examples.
Music is our channel, outlet, and particular art (though maybe not exclusively). I’m not going to self-diagnose which of the above categories I or any of my friends fit into, but we’re almost all in there somewhere. If you’ve read this far, you know I have some insecurities and tend to hide them.
Some musicians have never been shy about singing their hearts out for the sake of their art without worrying how good or bad the singing voice might be. I think of Bob Dylan, who hasn’t the most angelic of voices by most standards (and I can identify with that). Maybe he simply takes his own advice: Don’t think twice; it’s alright.
It’s taken me a long time to take Bob’s advice. That’s where friends from long ago, those long-lost friends I’ve never forgotten but haven’t seen, can make a remarkable difference. First, my bandmates — talented, gifted musicians and teachers I’d lost touch with for too long- encouraged me. Eventually, you hope the encouragement and support win out, and you trust your supporters more than yourself.
Facing Fear
I hadn’t seen Beth since our college days. We’d seen what each other was up to and where we were via Facebook, knowing we were both not far from Buffalo, 100 to 150 miles from our hometown. Hearing from her out of the blue was one thing, but inviting me to play with her hosting a community event was, in my mind, a massive leap of faith on her part.
So what’s the more significant fear? Failing at the musical performance, something I’ve prepared for forever but never followed through on, or failing the trust of someone you haven’t seen in decades? The last thing I want to do is waste someone’s time and effort; I hate to disappoint.
Now the pressure was on me. I’d never forgive myself if I sucked. I remember Beth always being so sweet and kind, not just “good people” (as we say about almost every acquaintance- ‘I know Bob. He’s good people.’) but better, above average in character. So there was no way I could let her down after she put this much faith in me. There was no way I could blow it, no way I could embarrass her.
It was time to perform, time to put the fears behind, time to listen to my advocates. Time to put in the work. Since someone was putting trust in me, I had to put the trust in me as well.
Beth and I were texting back and forth, going over the details over the next few days. My wife remarked, “You haven’t seen this woman in how long, and now she’s your new BFF?”
“Umm…Yeah.” This was bigger for me than I wanted to admit. And since someone had this much trust and faith in my ability, sure, that person is my new BFF.
“Has she even heard you play? You’ve never sung before.”
I grinned widely and said, “She’s a very trusting soul.”
The next thing was to meet with Beth, see where I’d be playing, and bring a tent to borrow for the event. I did that a few days later. We grabbed lunch and then spent the rest of the afternoon talking in my car, catching up.
Anticipation
We were both looking forward to the porchfest. She had a couple of other performers lined up as well. There were more than sixty throughout the village, five acts on her street.
Surely I wouldn’t be the worst of sixty. Fortunately, I didn’t have time to worry about it. I had a ton of practice and preparation to do. There would be another added plus to this whole thing that hadn’t yet materialized.
The upcoming weekend I’d be going to band practice with the fellas in our hometown, a two-hour trip from where I live. Our singer couldn’t make it, so I figured we’d go through some of our songs, and I’d get help putting my solo set together.
I headed to Elmira late on Friday afternoon to visit my sister and practice with the band the following day. I was getting excited and a little more confident each day.
About halfway into my trip, I heard the Messenger app’s “DING!”
That always startles me. That damn “DING!” always triggers a degree of anxiety and for good reasons. It’s not always bad, but it often has meant a sudden change is imminent.
Thanks for reading my story. Part 3 coming soon. Meantime, check out much more outstanding content from MarkfromBoston, Scot Butwell, Mike Butler, The Sturg, Scott Younkin, Andrew Gaertner, Emile R., Carolyn McBride, Suzanne Pisano, Reece Reid,Jameson Steward, Lu Skerdoo, KiKi Walter, Scot Butwell, Rodrigo S-C, Judy Derby BSc., Adrienne Beaumont, David Perlmutter, David Rudder
Don’t wait for the book to come out! If you like what you’ve read, you can read all of my stories and thousands more on Medium, by subscribing. It’s only $5 per month and you can unsubscribe any time. Please use the referral link below (right there by my picture.)
If you dont want to subscribe right now you can still get an email each time I publish by clicking the little envelope on your right.
