Original Nightmares: The Birth of Dread.
The first time I truly felt fear.
The first time I’ve ever felt real fear, I was on the ground looking up at military helicopters flying above. The sounds it made were unlike anything I’d heard before. The vibrations felt chilling, I could feel them all over my body. At the time it was like the whole world was against me. It felt lonely, cold, and dark. You couldn’t have told me that I wasn’t stuck in a cemented room with barely any light coming through. The only light was from the small hole drilled above me. I felt trapped, with nowhere to go.
I was born in the democratic republic of Congo during very uncertain times politically. My mother had to hide from rebels to give birth to me. She couldn’t make a sound, she had familiarized herself with the arts of war. It was either that or risk being cut open and left for dead. To this day I don’t understand why people practiced such cruel acts of violence. I guess war brings out the worst in us.
When I turned 6 years old, my father moved us into a 3-story apartment building. After seeing gang violence right before my eyes in the streets we lived in previously, I was excited for something new. I felt safer, I felt like I could breathe again. Even though I had seen violence at such a young age, before this incident I never truly understood fear. I guess before then the violence wasn’t aimed towards me, so I was more intrigued than I was scared. However, I felt unsafe because I didn’t know if and when those violent acts were going to become my reality.
I don’t remember much about that day except that it was bright at first. The sunlight covered every part of the earth, leaving a comforting glow. Then the skies turned gray. All of a sudden I heard my mom say “Get down, lay on the ground!”. I laid on the ground as I held a confused look on my face. And then I felt it. Before realizing what was happening the ground started shaking. I felt my blood rushing through my body. Looking up at the skies through the windows, I saw multiple military helicopters flying overhead. At that moment I felt all alone in the world. I couldn’t hear anything or anyone anymore. I became small and completely void of hope. My eyes were shut and that was when I decided to make peace with death. The way I saw it, that was the only possible outcome. It felt like an eternity but eventually, all the helicopters disappeared from the skies.
I dragged myself outside, with bare feet and looked up. The skies were clear and gray. An overwhelming amount of peace and relief was poured over me. Well, that was until I decided to turn around facing the south side of the building. All of a sudden there was smoke, and screams filled the air. I looked back up at the building and saw my big brother crying for me, reaching his hand down and trying to grab me. My face moved down slowly and I saw my car keys vanishing from my hands. I then looked to the side of me and I saw my car. Suddenly, I was a grown woman who couldn’t get her family to safety because she lost her car keys. I decided to look up at the sky one more time. This time there was a missile heading towards the building where my family was. Before I could do anything, the missile hit the building, blowing it into oblivion. This is when I typically wake up sweating like a maniac and realizing I’m not there anymore. I am safe and my family is ok.
