Plucked
some time voices are familiar yet unfamiliar….
CHAPTER-2, UNDERSTANDING SUCKS AND WE MEET AGAIN
I have always heard, one of the signs of being mature is to be understanding. To be able to relate to the other person’s emotions and thoughts. Though, have you ever wondered being understanding might also mean neglecting yourself and putting that other person first all the time. Not that is a bad thing yet not rainbows and sunshines either.
Never thought such things but recently I came to realise you need to understand yourself too. You have to prioritise your own self too. No matter how much you are there for others, who is there for you?
Family
Friends
Acquaintances
No one
Who then?
It might be hard to answer it, confusing too. However, the reality of life being an understanding person hurts, especially when others forget you need someone by your side too. You wanted to be heard, scream, love and just want someone to be there. Can’t shed tears in the sanctuary of four walls, all your life.
“What are you writing again?” Grant muttered from the other side of the counter
“ How To Get Away killing Grant”
“Aren’t you funny this morning?”
“Not just this morning, darling” I sassily replied “I have always been”
“Sure” Grant rolled his eyes while cleaning the counter “whatever helps you sleep at night.”
“Oh well” I replied while joining my hands under my chin “ a hot, saucy, steamy….”
“No offence darling “ Grant replied leaning forward from the counter “I’m really not interested in knowing your steamy ventures”
I narrowed my eyes at him “well if somebody would have let me complete my sentence….I want hot, saucy , steamy nachos with chocolate milkshake”
“Huh” Grant audibly showed his agitation “ can’t believe there was a moment I thought, I loved your company.”
“Well I’m a lovely company” I replied, shutting down my computer and walking to take a seat in front the counter “and now how about my steamy venture so I can sleep blissfully at night.”
“Wow” Grant breathed out loud “ you are such a dork”
“You love this dork”
“I’m reconsidering it”
“Whatever” i shrugged my shoulder “ your loss”
“You’re so full of yourself” Grant grunted while making my drink.
“Well I got to love me” I say “if i have no one around.”
I might have struck a nerve or pulled a string because his playfulness just vanished in a minute the words slipped my mouth.
“Don’t say that?” Grant said in a soft voice “ Of course there are people who love you.”
“Do you see any?” I asked equally soft voice
“Poppy..” Grant was about to say something but, the door of cafe .opened and a deep familiar voice echoed
“Is this bakery opened, because the sign said it’s closed.”
“Grandpa” Grant exclaimed happily and went to greet him by the door.
I not even once glanced back to see him or paid attention to what they were talking about. First, it was not her business and second, it was their private moment. I stood up from the bar stool rather little, ok maybe more awkwardly then I intended to be and cleared my throat, the classic way to have their attention “I would take my leave ….” yeah and hurriedly gathered my stuff or tried to before, he interrupted me.
“Actually i would like to talk to you”
…..
So i found myself sitting across a man whom i hardly met twice in my life, to which i’m not sure either or was it once only, see confusion. Should I greet, say hello? Is it even appropriate? This is such an awkward situation and fun part, my mind won’t shut up about the conversation we could possibly have. Come to think of it, what kind of communication can we have?
“What do you want?” There I said that it can’t stand long silences, they are just not my thing.
The man raised a brow at me in question clearly amused by my boldness or maybe stupidness. But who cares, can’t stand the stretched long beat silence, remember.
“You are rather straightforward” He replied in his gruff voice.
“I beg to differ Mr. Ray” I replied “I would rather call it making the first move.”
“You have grown”
“ A natural phenomena i reckon”
“ I heard you are leaving”
That made her shut up and take a deep breath before asking.
“Who told you?” I questioned “oh, never mind Why am I even asking? Of course who else Mr. Luke Ray. Isn’t it?”
“Maybe” Mr. Ray replied
“So” I asked “why are you really here? To congratulate me I’ll be finally leaving or to mock me one last time or maybe both.”
“Can’t I come and say hi to my eldest granddaughter?” Mr. Ray replied seriously.
That made her crack up like really laughing out loud as it was the best joke she heard all these years. Apparently, she did. It took her a while to sober up, wiping the tears away she finally managed to say.
“Sorry I heard you said you wanted to just meet me, as in your granddaughter which is me” I pointed to myself still in delusion from the words i have just heard.
“ because that’s what I just said” he replied
“Oh” I muttered, at that moment I didn’t know how to behave literally. How will you react? These past 17 years of living in this place, with a family yet having no connection whatsoever. Now out of the blue they want to meet you, apparently to have the same DNA as them.
“So may I ask where are you going?” he again probed
I simply twisted the loose thread on the shirt in my hand “What interests me more is why do you care about it? Especially now. Not so surprisingly I know you know where I’ll be going. Then what’s with hundred questions, sir”
Mr. Ray smiles just a little “ Maybe I do know and it might be hard to believe; but it doesn’t change the fact that you are my granddaughter. Just like any other of my GrandChildren I’m concerned about you. “
I should be feeling warmth or understanding that a poor grandfather just has the best interest at heart for his granddaughter. But, what I feel is totally opposite.
Anger
Hurt
Retaliation
Pity
They stood out amongst many others things I am feeling right now.
“You got the funny way to show your care Mr. Ray” I said firmly “ True we share the DNA and it’s just that. It might define we are biologically related but it is just that; nothing more nothing less. Though, I appreciate you coming all the way here just to congratulate me. I assume we are done here” and I meant it i’m done here. My peaceful morning turned into gloomy noon.
Mr Ray said nothing for a very long minute and yes i counted that very long minute “ You are just like Avery in many aspects, you know”
I snorted “ well I always thought I’m one of a kind. But here you are throwing at my face that I’m like the Woman who gave me birth. Well not to break your heart i take it as a compliment.”
“You have a harsh tongue.” He stated
“No one taught me to be polite,” I answered unbothered. “ If this reunion is done I would like to take my leave.”
“You are not very keen on being in my presence”
“Can you blame me”
“I suppose,” Mr. Ray muttered and slid an envelope towards me.
“What’s this?” i asked
“Take a look” he gestured to me to have a look inside the envelope.
I should have never opened that envelope, that’s the first thing I thought to myself. It consists of a cheque and a key. The cheque, of a hefty sum. But it all made me feel pathetic if it’s the correct adjective to express myself.
“ I always heard everything in this world has a value,” I mused “ and this is mine” i said waving the envelope a little.
“ it’s not that “ Mr. Ray quickly came with the reason “ this will ease out your college years and the key is for the Apartment i own their, you don’t even have to worry about anything”
If it was any other circumstances or situation otherwise I would have been touched and appreciated his efforts and might shed a tear or two; nonetheless nothing about our situation is ideal and this gesture made my gut churn anything but appreciation. Pity. Sympathy.
What kind of twisted world are we doing here? My mind screamed at me just to get up and flee.
“So it’s a pity money” I concluded
“No it’s not”
“Then”
“You got it all wrong Poppy” Mr. Ray tried to explain “I know things have been out of place and you feel lots of things. But, trust me, I just want to do right by you, trust me.”
“Trust” I whispered “it’s too late for that and to the point where I feel lots of things. Sir, you don’t know me to make that conclusion. Atleast, I should thank you for the pity money” and stood up from my place because I had enough of this conversation. Though, added one more thing before leaving this place “ one more thing “ let’s make this meeting our last because trust me when i say this i won’t be this civil when we meet again.”
I took my things and left the cafe not even stopping when Grant tried to stop me. I didn’t stop till I reached the place where I can always breathe and think clearly. I can already feel the emotional volcano fading away. I took a seat under a tree and took out my computer to let it all out.
You know why being understanding sucks because people always presume that you will do it all your own. No matter how hard you try to be seen yet somehow you blend in the background like a side character remembered when required but often forgotten or killed when they seem of no use.
Four walls or not, open sky or constricted place; an understanding person gets pity not place in once life. Mature or not it sucks to be understanding even though you get a hefty bill and comfy apartment to call yours.
“Pop tart”
That voice, that awful familiar voice I can’t forget even in my nicest dream or in my worst nightmare.
“We meet again”
Have I ever shared that I hate, hate this awfully handsome face. All I could think is kill me now. What day is today, anyway? Come seek Poppy Day.
Did I share that I despise that nickname,too?
……………
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