Read This If You Want Self-Confidence…?
A journal entry
EDIT: Over the many months that followed after the creation of this article, I have resolved the issue that I wrote about. But I will leave it published for the sake of helping anyone who comes across it. The truth is that confidence is found in complete self-surrender. That’s all. I AM NOTHING MORE THAN A DIVINE PAINTBRUSH. My mind has not a damn clue what is going on, but I am now completely confident in my self-expression. Lack of confidence is just interference of the mind’s lies and doubts.
BE YOURSELF. That is all. You were not created to be somebody else. Authenticity and acceptance of the way things are is all you need.
These words are extracted from my journal and slightly modified:
10:38 Wednesday 24 August 2022
Confidence man…I don’t know, it’s hard to know what to do about it. I was writing an article about the concept of developing self-confidence and how pursuing it is counter-productive. But is that true? (The irony of lacking confidence about your ideas on confidence)
10:56
After thinking about the above question for a bit, the answer is yes; it’s true that nobody should go after confidence. “Confidence” is a vague, shadowy concept that can’t even really be chased after since it can hardly be identified. I mean, what the hell even is confidence? Is it a personality trait or does it only apply on a situational basis? Does confidence refer to what is seen on the outside by other people or is it an internal state? We’re often quick to say that it’s an internal state, but what does it look like or feel like? And why is it that we call people confident even when we have no idea what their internal state is? You might then say that the way someone appears on the outside necessarily corresponds to how they feel on the inside, but in a world of lies and pretences, I beg to differ.
I was often told that I was confident in high school or on dates because of the way that I presented myself. But every time someone told me this I either disagreed or I was intentionally trying to appear in that particularly confident manner at the time — I was putting on a mask and hoping for a good outcome. But internally I didn’t feel the confidence that people said I had. I was just fairly outgoing and talkative, and I knew how to shift my image so that people could see me in a certain way.
But anyway, you might say that true confidence involves an external attitude that coincides with an internal feeling. Okay sure, but then does a confident person by definition never feel scared or anxious? Is it even possible never to feel scared or anxious? And if it isn’t, then how many situations does a person need to feel unafraid in before he is “officially” considered to be confident? Does he only need to be confident in social interactions? What about presentations and public speaking? What about when he’s cooking?
I feel like there are just far too many questions that need to be asked to determine what confidence looks like, and you need to know what something looks like in order to pursue it. But if, instead, a person pursues competence, clarity and courage, then there isn’t as much confusion anymore. Competence is being able to get a particular task done; clarity is being able to determine for yourself whether or not you have the tools to get the task done, and courage is the willpower to develop the necessary tools once you recognize that you don’t have them — to put yourself in situations that force improvement.
Instead of seeking some broad and vague concept like confidence, seek clarity so that you’ll be able to specify what you are and aren’t competent at, and then use courage to develop your competence, even if it’s one small step at a time. This is a tangible goal that you can actually pursue. This is a game that you can win.
