Finding The Gift Left By Abandonment Trauma
Seeing the blessing in my childhood trauma.
I’ve carried the pain of feeling abandoned and rejected by my mother for most of my life.
My mother and I had our first official separation when I was 5 years old when she migrated to the UK whilst I was still in Zimbabwe. This has shaped so much of my experiences with her, myself and how I have related to the world.
As a child, I couldn’t understand why I felt a lingering emptiness and sadness that no one else seemed to relate to. I was also prone to tantrums and violent outbursts when my dad would leave, even if it was for a day trip.
As I got older, my relationships reflected this abandonment wound. I kept attracting people that I couldn’t bond with. Of course, at the time, I didn’t see it that way. I would be very co-dependent with my friends and love interests, whilst also being so heavily emotionally guarded.
Abandonment trauma often results in a strong aversion towards genuine emotional intimacy.
This is how a lot of us end up with an avoidant attachment style. You can be surrounded by a lot of people and get a sense of closeness from them, but ultimately when that wound is unhealed, it keeps them at a…
