She Called Me Her Bestie. Now We Don’t Talk
I lost a friend after communicating my needs
I asked my friend to listen more and advise less. It did not go well.
In an act to honor myself and the friendship, I expressed my needs as kindly as possible, and it backfired.
After months of reflection on whether and how I should address how I felt, I decided to ask her if she had time to talk. Afraid of sounding too threatening, I added a smiley face at the end of the text.
In hindsight, I don’t recommend sugarcoating the need to have a talk about your feelings, especially if the other party means a lot to you. In the future, I’d approach it with more straightforward sincerity, “Hey, I’ve been meaning to share something — can we talk?”
While I knew what I wanted to say and felt confident I needed to say it, I was unprepared for the flooding of nerves when I sat down for the video call. I told her that while I knew she was coming from a good place with loving intentions when she relates to my stories and gives me advice, I wanted her to listen more, relate less, and refrain from giving me advice when I don’t ask for it.
Most times, I said, I simply want to share what I’m going through without you feeling the need to chime in on the story from your own perspective to…
