Skinny or Fleshy — All bodies are beautiful
I’m opening up about living as a slim girl. I come from a country where fat and chubby is viewed as a sign of a complete woman. Though I no longer live in my country of origin, I still see men who make misogynist remarks about my slim beautiful body.
Growing up was fast for me. In my 13 years, I was already defined as a woman. Good thing, right? just that I never knew that was all I could get — small buts with small boobs. I never wore a bra until 16 because I was waiting for my breast to get bigger. My female peers I outgrew suddenly had bigger body enhancement — breasts and butts. I remember envying them each time they complained of how bras were uncomfortable. From envy to low-self esteem, I suddenly got swallowed in self-pity. I was seeking validation to feel beautiful. My family background even pushed me further away in self-pity. We lived in a popular “face me, I face you”, a terrible ghetto area in every part of Nigeria for poor masses. Everyone living there was almost from the same town of origin which makes it a community of gossip and uncalled competition. My late father was a popular drunkard in the neighborhood who had no sense of propriety. He abused his family so badly in front of everyone that I always felt ashamed of him while I was growing up. I even had this fantastic idea of denying him as my father if he shows up to find me in my primary school. My peers would always make jokes about him that I felt ashamed. I never had anyone as a true friend growing up. My little self didn’t see how their homes weren’t perfect too. I didn’t even have words to fight back when I was bullied and called ‘Broom’, ‘Stick’ and ‘Amoeba’. Nobody wanted a slim girl.
Past adolescence, we moved to a new location and it changed a bit. It’s the same country and the same people with the same mentality, so i didn’t get a break from the passive remarks, the only change is me. Even as I decided it didn’t matter anymore, it was hard to ignore statements. I remember asking my mom how true of a statement it is that the beauty of a woman is her breast. I heard this statement from a dress maker who made an awful remark about the size of my boobs. Except for these types of insults from some uneducated women and misogynist African men with the mentality they are doing a favor by asking to go on a date which is indirectly asking for sex, I got a break.
This break was until I traveled to study in Brazil where I stay currently. Late 2021, I did my Portuguese language course in UFRN and met other African students from other countries mostly from Benin-republic. Over this period, I was staying with a Kenyan girl who was obsessed with having a big butt in order to impress men. She already had a big butt but she wanted a much bigger one and did several workouts. It was her ambition, she would always show me pictures of girls with big butts she admires. All the Benin boys in our Portuguese class liked her butt, she knew how to twerk with it. I remember one day discussing with her how I wasn’t going to kill myself for a big butt just to please these boys who were always making butt comparisons between the girls (they were 2 other girls), and her impassive reply that they were right, a beautiful woman is one with a big butt. She further advised me to join in her squats workout which I did and it created a rift. She accused me of being jealous of all the ‘sick’ attention she was getting from old men because of her butt. I was drained of all innocence for she fought dirty.
After my completion of the Portuguese course, I moved to a new state where I am studying as of the moment of writing. Last year, I lived in a Brazilian family house which came with a lot of disadvantages. One of the Dona (owner) friend who lived there always made an impassive remark on how slim I am. He always said how he liked his woman big and fleshy that I got irritated. What is his business with my body? Am I dating him or is he my boyfriend? I couldn’t take it so I retorted on how I don’t like men with big stomachs and without abs. Since then, we became friends. I taught him to respect me. Today, I appreciate everything I am, my dark chocolate colour, my slim legs, my feminine little hands, and not just my outside but also my inside. It was not difficult to cut all my hair off since I realized the advantages of uniqueness and difference.
Again, I don’t see any difference between a slim and a fleshy woman. I later found out, it’s just some men’s greedy appetite in s*x. Some men since the beginning of time feel they should dictate what is the ideal beauty and body of a woman. In Asia, it’s the craziness to be a woman whose skin is as pale as snow. In middle east, it is the craziness to be with a long hair. In Africa, it’s the craziness to be a woman with big boobs and butt. In Europe, it’s to be slim. Men that I see criticizing the appearance of a woman in 99% of the cases are pot-bellied, short and ugly, yet they feel a woman should be glad to have them. Sometimes, it’s just the arrogant ego that annoys me the most. But who calls that shots? Since ancient times, women have been at the backyard of society, some treated less than livestock and yet, some prefer living that way.
I’ve seen women do crazy things just to keep a man, yet in the end he will still leave them. The saying, “The beautiful ones are yet to be born” has never been more true than now. Nobody wants to age anymore, all wants to be a beautiful sexy grandma. Our generation is sick with perfection. You know, it’s very easy to inject that botox to paralyze your facial muscles, but what about your tiny legs, your short nails, the cellulite on your laps, the stretch marks, your eyebrows, your tiny lips, your flat nose and sagging breast? Will you also find a solution for them?
Dear beautiful women, don’t wait for the approval of another to feel beautiful. Yes, you’re beautiful — beautiful in every shade and colour. Celebrate your femininity for it’s a power and authority many can never be.
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I write fiction, poetry, and personal development and also share my thoughts on a couple of social issues. If you found this engaging, leave a clap, also read my other stories, follow and subscribe so as not to miss out on future stories.
