Dawn Sparks
Stuck on the Wheel of Life
Stop! I want to get off and glide now, thanks
This is taken directly from my personal journal pages. At times it has been edited and elaborated upon for ease of reading.
My mind was so occupied that it woke me up 😅
How do I win at the game of life? At MY game of life.
I’m on this drama triangle, and it feels good. I like the whooosh!ing sensation of the dance. The play.
And yet it’s just the sensation of trading one grievance for another. Victim. Bully. Rescuer. And around we go. What the fuck, years. Decades. That’s what I’ve been doing all this time simply just trying to catch my breath long enough, to make a power grab Big Enough, to Be Okay and stay that way.
But power grabs never last — they’re from someone else, they’re not my own power. It’s borrowed, so it can’t last, I must pay the toll of falling (using up or losing what I gained) and then rising/fighting to get it back again. I’m tired of it.
And then there’s the bigger wheel with the 6 archetypes, each one a wheel in and of itself. Spinning in infinity in me as I go back and forth and up and down the line JUST trying to get comfortable in my own skin with who I am.
