Taking the Leap

My entire life I’ve been scared.

Photo by Javier Allegue Barros on Unsplash

My entire life I’ve been scared: didn’t go to parties, didn’t intentionally make new friends, didn’t join clubs/organizations without knowing people first, didn’t go to the bar, didn’t complete that project (or five).

I’ve always sat in comfort because I believe that life should be somewhat easy; that things which are meant for you will just be. There is some truth to the latter part of that sentence — you shouldn’t have to force things. However, when you put yourself out there and want radical change for yourself, you face external resistance. You’re stepping out of your daily into a new reality; of course you’re going to face internal and external doubt.

I’m writing this on Friday, February 4th. I accepted a job this morning. I flew to New York City this afternoon. The job starts February 7th. The hiring process took five weeks, and the acceptance email came a week later than anticipated.

The last five weeks I have sat in my head and thought, “Do I really want to do this? New York is cold. It’s gray —I love sunshine. New York is expensive. Where will I live? Who will I live with? How will I make friends?” The negative thoughts popped in the second doubt crept in. Whenever a certain step didn’t go to plan, such as needing to submit three W2-s I had from jobs seven years ago, negativity flourished and I wanted to quit.

Now I’m in a hotel. I sent in a request for the perfect Airbnb: perfect location, price, and amenities. The request was declined because the gentleman is coming back to New York tomorrow, to the Airbnb he claimed he did not live in.

I have a day to find somewhere to stay.

I want to quit.

I know these complaints are brutally mundane, ungrateful, and privileged. Just let me complain a bit, okay? I promise there’s a point to this.

It’d be so easy to give up, to go home. “I’ll do something else, I’ll figure it out” justifications will crawl back into my mind.

Then it dawned on me: the universe is testing me. It is seeing if I really want what I’ve been working for and towards most of my young adult life. The universe is telling me to keep working for it, to not give up as easily as I usually do. The shortcomings, last-minute cancellations and emails, the headaches and anxiety were all tests. It will all be okay. It will all work out how it is supposed to.

“If you were not ready, the opportunity would not present itself.”

I’m finishing this piece on February 5th at 10PM. A three-week sublet was posted on a housing Facebook group I’m a member of. It was in the location I want, all of the amenities are incredible, close to the subway, and the room has a huge sliding door. The person subletting the room is friends with my cousin. They met in Japan.

I have three weeks to live one of my dreams. If those negative thoughts held truth that hinder my happiness, then I’ll move on. For now, I’ll enjoy New York City and all of its flaws, as well as make money in the meantime.

The universe had me hold out for the perfect conditions. I’m not going to let this opportunity get away.

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𝘈𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘺, 𝘷𝘶𝘭𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺, 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 & 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘨𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴.

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