MY LIFE IN WORDS & INK
The Painful Parts Of Pursuing Our Creative Dreams We Don’t Talk About.
Dealing With Misalignment, Suffocating Thoughts & Depressing Moods
As a self-care enthusiast, it's easy to spot a misalignment in my life and to notice when something is off with me.
It’s also a gift to notice heavy changes in moods and thoughts, and still feel able to look depression in the eye and scream, “Not today. You’ve got no control over me. I’ll pull through because this too shall pass.”
Many things about my life are exciting. Creating art, writing stories, designing in Canva, listening to music, watching movies, or reading a book, but lately, they've all felt tasteless to me.
My creative world lost its light, and it was scary to watch.
I show up and it feels like I'm doing it all for naught. Like I'm alone, creating and throwing it into a void without making an impact.
Although I don't believe it's the truth, I couldn't stop the suffocating thoughts from crashing in. The minute doubt slipped into my mind, my mood changed. So did my feelings toward my art.
There's a misalignment between myself and my art that I can't fix, yet, and it's frustrating. However, even when I don't know what to do, I won't entertain energy-zapping, depressing thoughts in my head.
What Have I Done To Cushion The Effects Of The Misalignment Between Myself & My Art?
Detecting a shift in my feelings for my art was painful, but I didn't let the pain drive me into making irrational decisions.
Instead, here's what I did.
— Left the heavy stuff and disengaged from posting on one of my social media accounts for a while.
— Focused more on the little things: like appreciating my efforts so far, making little updates, spending time with myself, looking through my drafts, designing, and reading a little of everything.
— Stopped assuming everyone had got it all figured out, and I was lagging. I cautioned my thoughts of underachievement with encouraging self-talk.
— Encouraged me to focus on my upcoming novella and not allow depressing thoughts of “Nobody will read it” to cloud my mind.
I told myself: “Jane, you’ll write more stories after this one, but if you’re so afraid to publish this, you won’t find the courage to do it 100 times over even when you fail.”
— Permitted me to feel my feelings with love and understanding. I taught myself to believe it’s okay to not feel okay at the moment.
— Welcomed refreshing thoughts of growth and progress in my life and career because I believe I’m evolving too.
How Have I Handled The Energy-Zapping Depressing Thoughts Plaguing My Mind?
I don't feel safe with energy-zapping thoughts on the loose in my mind, nor do I permit them to stay.
But I realized they slipped through the cracks the minute I doubted my reason for creating art. Hence, to kick them out, I have to first make peace with my feelings concerning my art.
As my anxiety toward creating art gradually fades, I feel more capable of handling my depressing thoughts.
Also, with each step I'm taking to deal with my creative misalignment, I feel more light pouring into my soul. Deep breathing also helps calm my thoughts, and talking to my eleven-year-old baby brother feels therapeutic.
Above all, I'm grateful for not hiding this painful part of my creative journey and having the courage to share it with you.
My Message With Love & Light
Although my creative journey feels tasteless right now, I'm encouraging myself to fall in love with it again.
Creating art is a core part of my life. It's like living without air, but I can't breathe unclean air either.
I hope in time, I'll fall head over heels in love with my art again.
Most especially, my love goes out to all creatives struggling to fall in love with your art again. I hope my message fills you with love & light.
Hi, I’m Jane. I enjoy sharing articles about gratitude, growth, healing, wellness, and intriguing, relatable topics.
Thank you for reading my piece. I hope you’ll share your thoughts on it.
