The Sadness Won’t Last Forever
With every breakdown comes a breakthrough
I had never truly believed in the concept of a “nervous breakdown” until I witnessed a loved one experience it firsthand. She suffered a severe mental breakdown, which is not a recognized medical term but refers to the sudden onset of intense physical and psychological symptoms in someone who has been struggling with prolonged stress and trauma.
It’s a cry for help from the soul, signaling that it can no longer cope with the overwhelming challenges it’s been facing for long.
The movie “Loving Vincent” (2017) is a beautiful masterpiece on Vincent Van Gogh’s life, showing the whole story in an oil-painted animation. Van Gogh was a famous Dutch painter who died at the age of 37 by suicide. In the movie, there is a dialogue between the character named Armand, who is investigating the cause of Vincent's death, and Joseph Roulin, who is Vincent's close acquaintance.
Roulin: “He had a breakdown; it happens to people.”
Armand: “If they are weak.”
Roulin: “Live longer, you will see. Life can even bring down the strong.”
In most cases, mental breakdowns happen due to multifactorial causes. When someone endures prolonged hardships, a sudden tragic event can be the final straw.
Some of the possible causes of a mental breakdown include poverty, financial problems, chronic stress, toxic relationships, childhood trauma, sudden loss of a loved one, end of a relationship, loss of a job or means of livelihood, and experiencing multiple failures.
People suffering from mental breakdown can have a range of symptoms, and these can vary in intensity from person to person depending on their coping mechanisms.
Physical symptoms can include the inability to cry or cry uncontrollably for days, weeks, or even months. Either a complete loss of appetite or overeating. Excessive weight loss. Insomnia or sleeping too much; heaviness in your chest as if somebody is choking you. Panic attacks, severe headaches, irritable bowel, and loss of joy and pleasure in activities you once used to enjoy. Loss of concentration, memory problems, and extreme fatigue are some other signs.
You feel as if you are numb and can’t understand what is happening in your surroundings. You spend the whole day dragging yourself, only to collapse on the bed at the end of the day.
There is no motivation to do anything. You stop looking forward to the next day. You start feeling helpless, thinking that anything you do doesn’t matter. Everything within you will suggest that you are alone and that your life is without purpose.
It is not uncommon to have thoughts about ending one’s life.
You feel that pain might end this way.
Starting to indulge in addictions to avoid the pain is another possibility. That’s the reason half of the world is on prescription drugs and the other half is on recreational drugs. This is the most prevalent escape among people all around the world.
Someone asked a therapist if it was possible to forget all the bad memories and painful events in life when he felt like his soul was crushed and his heart was shattered. “Look,” she said. “Do you think a child can ever forget when his parents die?”
“No, he never forgets. The memory remains, but the pain lessens over time.”
Painful memories are a reminder that you suffered but you survived.
You remember all the love and all the lessons.
Your eyes may be moist occasionally, but please embrace grief, for it is a testament to love’s existence.
Sometimes people are so overwhelmed during this phase that they do crazy things. Things that they had never done in their lives before. These days, there is no universal definition of crazy. Whether something is considered crazy or not depends on one’s perspective.
Many of us have experienced situations where we might have acted or spoken in a certain way, only to realize later that our behavior was inappropriate. This could be due to certain triggers that caused us to act that way.
However, what often happens is that we keep replaying that moment in our minds over and over again, judging and punishing ourselves for our past actions. As a result, we end up feeling angry, guilty, ashamed, and resentful towards ourselves.
Please forgive yourself for anything you might have done, said, or thought while you are in survival mode.
Please get over this idea that you can’t make mistakes. You can make mistakes while selecting a job, managing finances, choosing the wrong spouse, or making important life decisions. Our culture and society deprive us of the right to make mistakes.
I was taught since my childhood that “you can never make a mistake.” I was not allowed to make mistakes. But I didn’t realize that making mistakes is a part of being human. Now I keep on reminding myself that “yes, I can make mistakes. I can make a mistake when I am 31. I am allowed to make mistakes even when I am 71.”
If you’re holding onto a grudge against yourself for a past mistake or behavior, it’s time to forgive and let it go.
“With every breakdown comes a breakthrough.”
In most cases, mental breakdowns can push us closer, each time to a life where we can feel peaceful and happy with ourselves. Such experiences might guide us to live our lives differently.
We may find the courage to quit that job, the toxic relationship, or the pursuit of money that makes us miserable. Mental breakdowns can help us realize that we have a whole lot going on in our lives that is not working for us. A breakdown can motivate us to change and to do something in an entirely different way.
It takes time, a long time to get over this phase.
The journey to self-love and acceptance when you have been unsure of all your strengths all your life is never easy. It starts with believing in the transformative power of self-acceptance and hoping you will find joy one day.
It starts by trying to find happiness in little things in life. We can find pleasure in the service of others. We can feel good by talking to our loved ones and expressing our emotions. We can feel happy by adopting healthy coping mechanisms and trying our best to think positively.
And please don’t die. Dying prevents you from reaching the stronger and wiser state that you can achieve through this mental breakdown. One day, you will feel proud that you have not only survived but also thrived.
The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was yourself.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
(Love after Love, by Derek Walcott)
