The Ultimate Guide To Living With A Narcissist
Here’s what to do if you can’t leave the narcissist right now, but can’t live with them either.
“It is your fault that you felt hurt by something that I said.”
“It is your fault that you didn’t know how to make sense of how you feel.”
“You bring up my past mistakes because you want to keep guilt-tripping me.”
If you have ever been close to a narcissist, you must have already heard such phrases before. A narcissist can drain every bit of energy from your body, and will have you second-guessing your own emotions and reactions every single day.
While the entire internet may ask you to simply muster the courage and “leave” — I know that this advice is useless in most cases. Having lived with a narcissist for quite some time, I understand that sometimes it is impossible to just get up and leave.
But does that mean that you should endure every abuse thrown your way?
Of course not!
Today, I will walk you through everything that you need to know about living with a narcissist. And not just live, by the way — thrive despite their constant attempts to bring you down.
You ready? Let’s dive right in!
How To Identify A Narcissist?
Contrary to what has been sold to us through media and films, narcissists are not always cruel-looking people who have a weird smirk on their faces. They can look like the sweetest beings to have ever graced the earth.
They may be your friends, your mother, your father. Even your partner, for that matter.
So how can you identify a narcissist accurately? I would suggest looking out for the following signs:
They Crave Attention
If there is one thing that a narcissist likes more than anything, it is attention. They would go to any lengths to get it, even if it means hurting their loved ones in the process.
Storytime — I know someone whose father is a narcissist. One day, he decided to mentally torture my friend to such an extent that she ended up folding and having a panic attack. Naturally, her mother and sister came running to her and gave her all the attention.
The father couldn’t deal with it. He wasn’t the center of the universe anymore, and needed to fix that asap. You know what he did?
He locked himself inside a room. Then, he started shouting phrases like “How dare she do this to me!, “I will not let you torture me!” “Everyone here wants me gone, but I won’t”.
Before you wonder — no, the father isn’t suffering from any other medical condition. He is just a plain narcissist who could not see the attention being showered to his own daughter who just had a friggin heart attack.
The point is — if you see someone going to great lengths, so much so that they are ready to compromise the mental peace of people close to them — they may be a narcissist.
They Lack Empathy — Even For Cuties Like Puppies!
Puppies are adorable, aren’t they? You just wanna pick them up and cuddle them till you literally merge with their bodies. However, this is not how a narcissist feels about them. They don’t mind hurting and bullying them just to pass the time or gain some extra pleasure.
For context, I don’t mean literally puppies. But puppies, I mean helpless and vulnerable people who do not have anywhere else to go. Think of an uneducated housewife, young children who do not have any other shelter, or shy kids who don’t know any better.
While such people happen to be the main targets of narcissists, they do not just leave out the confident ones. Several narcissists like to gain a sense of superiority by crushing the self-esteem of confident people, as it makes them feel like they have achieved something.
I mean, we’ve all had exes who convinced us that we aren’t shit, right? That we couldn’t do any better, and will always remain in the pile of shit that we were born in? Well, it is a pretty good sign of a narcissist.
Their Love Language? Manipulation!
The most common love language of a narcissist happens to be manipulation. This is not to say that every manipulator is a narcissist — but if you catch someone indulging in the act even when it is just not required, you may want to evaluate your relationship with them.
I know this one man, who is absolutely loved by several people. I never understood the buzz around him, and just felt that things were a bit…off. One day, all of us met and he told us how he and his long-term girlfriend broke up recently. When asked why, he said that they were simply not compatible.
He said that he was super grateful for everything that she had done for him, but he couldn’t tolerate the fact that she didn’t support him when he was at his lowest. He praised her, but also made her seem like she was only for the good times with him.
Everyone thought — what a gentleman! Even after the breakup, he is not bad-mouthing about his ex even though she mistreated him. That girl just didn’t deserve him.
A few days later, we got to know about the entire picture — the girl didn’t mistreat him at all. The guy cheated on her, and manipulated everyone against her.
The bottom line is whether someone is constantly manipulating others around them for necessities or for fun — you should keep an eye on them, as the next in line for manipulation might be you.
Okay — But How Do I Live With A Narcissist?
There might be several reasons why you cannot walk out on the narcissist in your life immediately. You may be financially unstable, need some time to gather your life together, or maybe have some other personal reason.
Whatever it is, I understand if you have received judgy looks whenever you tried to explain that it is impossible for you to leave the narcissist right now. But, I want to help you not just survive, but thrive in the toxic environment. You can follow these tips for the same:
Maintain Your Boundaries
I know that this is literally one of the most common — and vague — solutions out there when it comes to dealing with a narcissist. But, hear me out.
Maintain your boundaries in a way that helps safeguard your mental health, and does not trigger the narcissist at the same time. For instance, bring down the communication with them to the bare minimum. Interact only when you are asked about something, and avoid any other questions or discussions.
You see, narcissists thrive on reactions. The more you get angry and react, the more they enjoy the entire situation. Don’t give them the satisfaction!
Treat Yourself
Living with a narcissist can make your entire house gloomy and negative. Hence, try your best to treat your body and your mind as frequently as possible. Hop into that weekly glow-up shower, put on that face mask, and go for that run.
Basically, do not give in to the gloominess. The more you try to stay happy and get a life outside the needs of the narcissist, the more you’ll realize that you are so much more than them and their moods.
Choose Your Battles Wisely
If you are living with a narcissist, you will inevitably have to face them sometimes. You will have to fight with them on certain matters — the key is to choose the right battles.
While the right battles to fight will depend on your personal situation, it would be best to avoid the ones that you know will make the narcissist feel good. For instance, if you know that the narcissist feels good while putting you down for your weight — don’t justify how you have been working out constantly. Simply walk away from the conversation.
However, if the matter is about your safety and well-being, it would be best to fight the battle. Likewise, invest your energy at the right place and at the right time. You will hit and miss sometimes, but that’s the key to learning!
Get Financially Independent
One of the easiest ways narcissists gain control over their victims is by controlling their finances. Hence, if you cannot move out right now because you cannot be financially stable right now, I suggest you start working on getting independent soon.
Pick up small jobs, work your way through the struggles, and save up the money. If you cannot step out of the house for some reason, consider working remote jobs.
Document Every Possible Act Of Abuse
Keeping a record of interactions with the narcissist can be helpful, especially if conflicts escalate. Documenting conversations, actions, and any abusive behavior can be valuable if you ever need evidence or decide to seek legal assistance.
Summing Up
Living with a narcissist sucks — but what sucks more than that is when people don’t realize that you need time to get out of the situation. Simply stepping out and leaving narcissists is like telling a depressed person to just smile more — like, you don’t think we thought of that, huh?
But anyway, I hope that the content of this article was of some help to you. I would like to add that this story is not a substitute for any professional advice, and you must seek out help if things escalate beyond your control.
Till then, hang tight. You got this!
