The Unending Agony of Being a Woman
A Story of Rape, the Unspoken Pain, and the Demanding Justice
Trigger Warning: This story contains graphic descriptions of rape and its emotional aftermath, which may be distressing for some readers.
“Come forward my child!…” a comforting voice hit me in a deafening roar of my muffled cries, his panting moans, their voluptuous jokes, his thudding hips, my scary screams, their demonic crackles…
I felt utterly sapless — and helpless.
There was so much pain — an extreme level, too much to bear, too much to fathom. There was now another thing inside me ripping me apart… I could feel it moving… mercilessly… inhumanly… barbarously…
in… out… in… out…
I tried one more time to push back this heavy weight on me… but had no energy left… I tried to see through my half-closed eyelashes … the faces… but couldn’t find the muster to open them fully.
This was another face… another rancid smell… another pair of cold and unyielding hands… another series of ceaseless smooching…
I stopped counting after four… I just couldn’t keep counting….
“Take a leap forward my child… just another step… come!”
I tried to cry my lungs out for the last help… but only some muffled sounds escaped me… I couldn’t breathe… all I could feel was the intense agonizing pain… searing through me… in… out… in… out… there seemed to be no respite.
I was being squeezed… ripped…. slit…
“GODDD!!!” I yelled inside me in full anguish… My whole body wailed before falling into a deep slumber… but the ceaseless and eternal pain was not going away… this desirous infernal hunger was unrelenting and insatiable.
I drifted off … amidst the unsparing sound of thuds… before I stepped into the world of darkness… I saw the other man replacing fifth or sixth.. or 8th…? I had stopped counting a long time before…
“You are safe now” I heard him saying sitting right beside me. I tried to look at him but could not see his face. He was HIM… enshrouded in glowing soft light of peace; of some sort that neither it hurt my eyes nor did it allow to see through it… but the existence was real.
“I was in so much pain,” I said, tears streaming down my face.
“I know,” He said calmly… and somberly.
“Still you didn’t stop it?” my quivering voice was questioning… like taken aback by striking revealing. I was in utter disbelief.
“I did what I could.” He said and silence prevailed for some seconds before He spoke again… “I am deeply sorry for the suffering you endured.”
The calm voice of him smoothening the remnants of pain that the calamity left inside me some moments ago… Was it ended or is it still going on… I didn’t know.. but now I was in no infernal pain… I might be numb… or dead…
“I eased your pain…” He added…. and my jaws dropped… I couldn’t control the stream rolling down my cheeks… looking up incredulously…
I could see even the bewilderment itself was in shock.
“Is that all you could do? Aren’t you supposed to be in control?” I demanded, my voice rising in frustration.
“I wish I could have intervened, but I am bound by the laws of freedom and choice that I set in motion… I could not intervene in every moment of pain.”
My whole body felt the infuriating rage burgeoning inside me… reminding me of all of the pain I went through just before some moments…
“How could you let this happen to me????… How could you…??? You let that wolf ruin me… ripped me…!!!! WHY????” My anger and despair were palpable.
“I understand your anguish. I did not want this suffering for you. I am here to embrace you, my child.”
“You let him destroy me. You allowed it to happen. How could you?” My voice cracked under the weight of my grief.
“I wish I could have protected you, and I mourn every moment of suffering you faced.”
“You know it was a gang…” I wailed… in front of him… I was melting down like a candle… drowning in my own rage… He was silent…
I think I was dead…
“Am I dead?” I asked, sensing the pain had finally ceased… this harrowing thought just evoked my senses.
“You are transitioned to my realm” I heard an answer…
“… to me…” He added. “…away from the suffering…”
“What do you want?” a voice asked. His presence was reassuring… but there I was angrier than ever… sad and broken… wasn’t this an irony seeing the broken pieces of yours in the presence of peace.
Was it not something disastrous…? I felt that my heart would burst out. I could not breathe in the brimming rage and incessant wails.
Now He was asking me “What do I want???” even after all that… I wanted to inundate HIM with questions… I wanted to ask “Why did He create us as a passive sex?” and “Why did he create us to be so vulnerable?” and “Why can’t He take the protection of all women in his hands?” I wanted to ask “Why only us??” I didn’t know if I was crying out loud or thinking in my head but I was damn sure that I was audible to Him.
“Do you know how hard it is to live as a woman in the world of yours?”
“I see the pain in your heart, and I am truly sorry. I created a world where freedom exists, but I never intended for such suffering.”
“Do you know how painful it is to endure constant lustful gazes?” I was shrieking… trembling… “I always hated these tits of mine… or this fucking slit you created between my legs… Why did you choose me to give this vulnerable body?”
“You surely are answerable to me… ain’t you?” now my screams ripped the skies apart.
He was silent. He was silently crying… I couldn’t see his face but hear his sobs…
“I am … and I mourn with you… I mourn over the creature called Men I created … but my intent was never to inflict such torment…”
I had no idea how much had left… Was I still dead? or just dozed off for the time being just to avoid the thudding pain. I really hoped for my demise. I didn’t want to go back. I didn’t want to feel any more cactus going in…out…in…out.
I was crying… He was crying… and all the other women were crying…
Now I felt that I was not alone there… I was just a mere one amidst a hoard of victims…. my eyes roamed over the crowd I was in … there were all of US… from a two-year-old baby girl to the 80-year-old bones…
Looking at them, all of a sudden I was flooded by all the news headlines that I happened to read in the other world; the world that’s not safe for US.
“Eight-month-old baby has been raped by her cousin…”
“Six months old baby girl was raped by her 40 years uncle…”
“Three-year-old girl raped, smothered to death, and dumped in…”
“A father has been arrested for the rape and murder of his eight days old baby girl…”
“A man caught digging recently buried grave of a woman and sexually abusing her corpse…”
“Teenage girl’s dugout, raped in …”
“Men dig up the grave of a woman and rape the dead…”
“Women, 22, Gang Raped in …”
and on and on and on…
My heart was torn apart… I was gasping for air… I was bawling… I wanted my heart to just burst open at once … and never to feel anything again…
I was now looking at them… all the women, girls, children, corpses… and all of them had their hands covering their ripped bottoms…
All I could see… blood… cries… an ocean of tears… wails…
I looked up at HIM and knew what really we all wanted from HIM.
We all wanted justice…
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