Welcome to The Tea Party of Parenting
A deep plunge into how the birth of my child changed the equation of my married life
Congratulations, you are now the proud parents of a baby girl!
This is how the nurse greeted us as Mishika forayed into the peaceful territory of our lives one month before the expected date in an emergency operation.
No, it wasn't an aww moment for me as your heart might be echoing!
It was the moment when I could distinctly hear the blowing of a conch earmarking a new era.
While everyone around me was awaiting a baby boy with bated breath, my daughter Mishika came as the first serious lesson in gender equality for my family from the highest educator Himself.
I was unprepared for the challenges of cesarean delivery and motherhood, like a cat caught in a thunderstorm. But the euphoria of being a new mom made me perfect every skill under the sun that was needed to ensure the health of my tiny bundle of joy!
The real challenge emerged after six months when my maternity leave was over and I had to get back to work.
To top that, the lockdown period started due to the spread of corona, and we had to let go of our hired house help.
Our lives felt like a dark sky before a storm, filled with uncertainty, stress, and anxiety.
But, wait, did that sky have any silver lining?
Were there any more gender equality lessons to be revealed before us?
Get yourself a chair and embrace yourself to enjoy the tea party!
Allow me to serve you the savory challenges from the menu card of my life as a mom, one at a time.
#1: It's not my cup of tea
Has any mom or dad changed a diaper before their first baby?
Well, we can safely say the answer is a big NO!
Parenting comes with a wide range of tasks that no parent has ever done before.
It's as basic a fact as it is for monkeys to eat bananas.
For heavens’ sake, stop making the argument to your spouse that
“But I have never done that before!!”
or
Are you asking me to do that, seriously?
It's like saying no to your boss when he asks you to make a PowerPoint presentation of your work just because you haven't made a presentation before.
You look up a quick tutorial and learn that skill. Do you have a choice there?
Come on guys, it's your baby, your first go-live project with your partner. You can't afford to let it languish while you make such lousy excuses to one another, can you?
Both parents need to upskill themselves to care for their newborn.
Whether it is diapering/bathing/feeding/burping, we need to learn the hack and be that jack who never loses track!
#2: Counting the eggs in the basket
This happens a lot of times among me and my husband.
He likes to monitor what chores he takes care of in the day versus how many fall into my kitty. It feels like a badminton match for me. And if he scores more points than me, he raises an alarm sternly indicating that he is not in the mood to play any further, as he is already a winner.
In the traditional mindset of society, chores and baby work have been associated with the lady of the house.
So even though husbands offer their help, most of the time it's an obligation rather than a responsibility.
But for working women, this becomes a big problem, especially after becoming a mother.
A baby’s entry can blow the scale of household work to an insanely large extent. A sleep-deprived, full-time feeding mom can meticulously accomplish all the chores only in her hallucination.
But in reality, she needs your help Daddy, and she needs it big time!
The hormones already wreak havoc with the mother's body during and after pregnancy, so it is only fair if the dads up their game of contributing to domestic affairs.
It's time to unleash the cook and caretaker within you, dear husbands. Don't consider any chore as menial.
There is no such thing as the perfect division of work when it comes to parenting and household chores. You need to be each other's support system, whatever it takes for that.
The only score that counts from now on is the total score of your family.
If she is struggling with taking care of your child, make sure you take care of her by meeting her nutritional needs, satisfying her hunger, and ensuring she gets enough rest.
#3: Eating the same food every day makes me sick
As cute as they may seem, caring for a newborn is a relentless task. Our life gets busy and monotonic at the same time.
It is like someone has taken the remote control of our life and is playing the same episode on repeat every day.
It can get so engaging that it often takes a mental toll on the parents, especially the mother. Many times we as moms lose a sense of our well-being as we may prioritize sleep over eating.
Postpartum feelings can be overwhelming as we wonder:
When will I have the leisure to go out for my daily walk?
Can I get rid of my baby pouch?
Will I be able to fit into my favorite pair of jeans again?
It becomes pertinent for a mother to take a break from the exhaustive cycle of provide(feed)->pat->pee->poop
And take out some me time to engage in something that satiates your soul.
It might be reading a book, going for a walk, or simply listening to your favorite song whilst someone caresses your darling while you’re away.
It ensures you're rejuvenated before you rush to answer those calling cries again.
#4: When my pudding gets salty
Remember those dreary nights when you just began snoring after a tireless day and your tiny tot suddenly decides to tell you that the party isn't over yet.
Or
Your baby stumps you during your important work call as she starts to cry inconsolably all of a sudden.
In such instances, I beseech my husband with an imploring face as one looks for an emergency exit when their building catches fire.
He becomes the savior of my soul in those tricky situations.
The menu of the challenges in my parenting journey is endless. I just listed the handful of chef specialties that stand out and deserve a special mention.
The winner recipe for today's party
To sum it up, parenting is a team sport involving the joint efforts of both parents. We need to forego the gender biases ingrained in the society in which we grew up.
Welcoming a child into our lives is a privilege that demands coming out of our comfort zones.
Acquiring new skills should not be an exception but a part of the game.
Sometimes you need to start owning that cup of tea that never belonged to you till this point in life.
Instead of engaging in a tug-of-war over who did the most work on a day, we need to show empathy towards our partner who might be feeling burnt out already.
Remember, the referee in this game is always your child and if she smiles in the end, that is all the reward you need to acknowledge your victory!
