What I Had To Sacrifice for “The Village” As the Mother
Sometimes you can’t have it all by the way you want.
Raising a child alone is hard. That’s why they say, “It takes a village to raise a child.”
I have that village. Aren’t I lucky to have that kind of support? Maybe and maybe not. A little background information for you.
I am a mother of a 2-year-old. Me and my husband are both working away from home. We live with my in-laws. My father-in-law is working and my mother-in-law is a chronically fatigued person. They will care for our son in the time we spend getting prepared for the day. But I can’t expect anything more than that. Luckily, I have my parents living nearby. They are happy to look after their grandson, they say. I am grateful that I have someone.
But I dread what I have to put myself through.
I don’t have a happy history with my parents. There is a lot of trauma, neglect, and hurt lurking behind the everything’s-fine appearance. Though I am healing, being around them can be triggering to me. It is because they haven’t changed a bit. They still treat me like an irresponsible, rebellious adolescent. If you have watched the sitcom F.R.I.E.N.D.S., you might know the overcritical mother of Monica Geller. I feel the same way she feels when I am around my parents.
My moral mind accuses me of being ungrateful for the opportunity I have.
When many parents are struggling alone to raise their kids, how can I be ungrateful with my gifted situation? Shouldn’t I put up with all the mocking, blame, and shame?
No, I don’t have to. I have lost a huge chunk of my childhood already. I don’t want to regret later about the ways I should have responded. Though I forgave them, I couldn’t handle their proximity. It seems like everything is repeating itself.
I can’t cut away from them entirely. They are my parents. I am leaving my son with them every day. There is a lot of interaction. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to protect myself all the time. I am on high alert for all kinds of unacceptable speech. Thus, I am sacrificing my peace of mind for “the village” I need to raise my son.
Though I made my interactions shorter, I feel that unease. Will I be immune to them at any time? Why is it hard, though I have healed a lot through these years?
I don’t have solid answers. But what I know is that I will stand up for myself this time.
What will you do if you are in a similar situation?
P.S: I don’t have access to any other trustworthy babysitter.
