What Ifs and Maybes
Navigating the maze of limitless possibilities
“What if I had done it differently?”
Who never asked themselves this question?
More often than not, I wonder if I took the right decisions. Do I really want to work in research? Did I make the right choice starting a Ph.D.? Was it worth it to move out of the city where my family and friends are living? Do I really like what I do? Every big decision seems to come with its load of doubt. “Maybe I should have studied medicine instead of computer science.”
“I can never read all the books I want; I can never be all the people I want and live all the lives I want. I can never train myself in all the skills I want. And why do I want? I want to live and feel all the shades, tones and variations of mental and physical experience possible in my life. And I am horribly limited.”― Sylvia Plath
Like many, I would like to try out everything in life. So much that when I choose one thing over another, there remains the doubt, sometimes oppressive, sometimes lighter, of what could have happened if I had chosen otherwise.
The main problem with regrets is, they are rarely based on facts. We waste thoughts wondering what could have been, dreaming of going back in time to try out that other option we left behind. But would it really have been better?
It is easy to imagine there are better paths. But, are there really? Is the grass always greener?
Among the infinite choices we face throughout our lives, it is easy to suffocate under the pressure of possible outcomes, of what-would-have-happened-ifs and maybe-I-should-have-done-this-insteads.
In the end, we never know what would have happened and, most of all, we never know who we would have become. Yet the time spent on regretting impedes us from remembering why we took that decision in the first place, and not another. It hinders us from actually enjoying what is in front of us—an infinite number of possibilities.
“You are only one decision away from a totally different life.” Instead of being afraid of what comes with life choices, why not embrace it? Instead of looking at decisions as overwhelming steps, why not see them as opportunities? Along with every decision comes a new chance to try out new experiences, reinvent ourselves. Along with the countless possibilities come opportunities.
So there comes a time when we must choose and not look back.
For there is no right and wrong answer, no right and wrong decision.
“Once the decision is made, do not look back, do not second guess your decisions.” — Muhammad Ali
And among the limitless possibilities, the infinite number of lives to live; I choose this one. I could be anything, from a teacher to a waitress; from a lawyer to an architect; and here I am. This is the life I have chosen, the road I have taken. There will be clear decisions, there will be doubtful ones. But, along the way, there will only be one final outcome; the one I have chosen to become.
I can be everything or anything. What I can be, I am because I chose so.
And so can you.
