Why Is Asking for Help Difficult for Us?
Silent battles we fought with ourselves
I also backed out worrying about what the other person would think of me when I needed help.
I thought it would leave the impression that I was not worthy or intelligent enough. And people will say, “Oh, you don’t know this; it is the most basic thing you should know”, which will make me feel ashamed.
It is true; our perception had become like that because we had seen this in childhood when people mocked each other when they asked for help and got a similar reply.
People do it because they want to show that they are superior to you. They know things that you don’t.
It happens to most people. However, it happens when we are in our teens. But as we mature and move into a professional environment, it won’t be the same.
You will realise most people are happy to help each other, and they are nicer too.
I can say this from my experience. I was the same for most of my life until I entered a professional environment. I was lucky to work under a leader who would comfort their members.
He always said you could ask as many times as you need. But never get me an escalation from the client because you were hesitant to ask for help.
Thankfully, I got the training for asking questions, which has now become a habit.
Most of the time, I got the help and support I needed. So, people are good everywhere; it is just about how long it takes for us to understand the importance of helping, which we only get to know when we get help from others when we are in need.
What helped me overcome the fear of asking for help was:
- I made peace with myself and accepted that I did not know some things and needed help. And I was okay with other people knowing it.
- I asked for it without thinking about the response because I know no one is perfect.
- I calculated the worst-case scenarios that could happen. For me, it was people making fun of me, but somehow I made up my mind and wanted myself to go through that because neither I nor they would remember it for long.
- I was determined to get my work done. Therefore, I had to ask for it even if I didn’t want to.
“If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.” -Nora Roberts
The above quote very well summarises the importance of asking questions or asking for help.
If you ask, you can get it, but if you don’t ask it’s a straight no.
Find out what is the worst-case scenario for you and learn to deal with it. It will open new opportunities for you.
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