Without The Anchor Of Comparisons

A poem on choosing my way.

Photo by Fallon Michael on Unsplash

It is hard to make my own way
without the anchor of comparisons or competition.

The paradoxes we cling to
suffering is noble, put on a pedestal.

Look, we say “Look at what he did, despite the pain.What an inspiration”, we sigh. If he could do it, what is my excuse?
It is absurd, this competition. The narratives we tell about pain.
The standards we hold the most subjective things to.

I can choose my story
but I am afraid to give up.
No.
I am afraid to seem like I have given up.

I’m suffering
but I do not want to suffer. No more. I want
(I want and want and want and want, the wantings contradicting each other, shouting over one another.)

I want to be free.
I want to be well.

and what does this mean?
This is the work I am doing.