Wounded, Not Broken
7 ways to heal from trauma.
Trauma is like an unhealed wound from the past, casting a long and often wide-ranging shadow over our lives. It affects our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours long after the traumatic event has ended. We can’t seem to wrap our minds around how it can make us feel like we’re stuck living in the past. We continue to feel as though it were going on as before.
How do we differentiate trauma from life’s difficult and sad moments? And more importantly, how can we heal from it?
Trauma is an unhealed wound, a scar etched not just on our skin but deep into our thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. It’s the haunting memory that lingers long after the traumatic event has ended. Think of it like a film reel, constantly replaying in our minds, altering the very core of who we are.
The difference?
Sadness, by itself, is a common human emotion, a temporary visitor who comes in, making us shed tears at a loved one’s passing or the heartache we feel from a breakup or a sad plot from a movie.
Trauma, on the other hand, is a shadow that never quite leaves, like the relentless replay of a horror movie in your mind. It, for example, is not necessarily the heartache in a relationship, but the experiences in that relationship, and how it shapes the reflection of ourselves, our perception of others, and our idea of future relationships. Trauma can be caused by a variety of factors, including abuse, violence, neglect, and other forms of negative experiences that can have long-lasting effects on our mental and emotional well-being.
What does trauma look like?
Common Symptoms: Trauma can manifest in various ways. Common symptoms include, but are not limited to, hypervigilance, anxiety, depression, anger, irritability, nightmares, and flashbacks.
It can also impact us physically with chronic pain, aches, hyperventilation, and digestive issues.
When I was much younger I used to get really angry at being accused of something I didn’t do, and as a growing teenager, I became hypervigilant and angry, defending myself, with tears as I talked whenever I sensed any form of accusation, no matter how bare it was.
I hated it! I felt helpless.
I grew up having to be so subconsciously vigilant about being accused that I would rush to abruptly defend myself whenever I noticed any threat to my preconceived reputation.
It was frightening when accused falsely because, I had seen cases of what happens to certain people when they commit a particular offence, and imagining being accused of anything within that range, made it hard to wrap my head around accusations.
Growing up in a home where my emotional needs weren’t met or considered left me feeling incomplete as an adult, making me segregate myself whenever I noticed any form of emotional threat, like a puzzle with missing pieces. Which made my self-esteem low, growing up.
I was not okay with being misunderstood. Not until a couple of years back that I had to keep figuring out who I truly am, accept that it is okay to be misunderstood, and understand that people just act out the reflection they have of themselves.
One might have experienced a very drastic experience whether in their childhood, or current adult life, and has lingered in their minds, changing the way they act and feel. Like being neglected and abused as a child, or being assaulted as an adult. It could even occur through experiencing being robbed, or involving in an accident.
Another common symptom of unhealed trauma is hyperarousal, where a person’s body suddenly kicks into alertness, thinking about their trauma. Which results in the inability to sleep, and an unconscious defensive response which lingers in attachments and relationships.
Emotional Impact: For some people, trauma can show up as avoidance or numbness. They may try to distract themselves from their feelings or suppress their emotions altogether. This can make it challenging to connect with others and experience joy and pleasure.
Sometimes it makes us feel the need to keep our defense up, and not wanting to be vulnerable.
The wounds you can’t see can be the hardest to heal.
Impact on Relationships: Trauma can also affect our relationships. Trust issues, being easily triggered, being secretive, being scared to love or having fear of intimacy, and difficulty forming close connections which can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation. All of which can be from our first childhood experience with love or with love experiences in previous relationships as adults.
Trauma can also mould the kind of attachment styles we have as individuals to our partners. Whether anxious or avoidant.
The Subjective Nature of Trauma
Perception and experiences play roles too.
You see, two people can go through the same ordeal, yet one may be traumatized while the other is not. Thus, sometimes, it isn’t about the event that has occurred, but rather the foundation we have within ourselves about our beliefs, values, or ways of life, as well as the interpretation and perception of the event. For instance, a person may be traumatized by losing a job and another may not.
Of course, there are objectively viewed perceptions of a lot of traumatic experiences like sexual assault, bullying, battery, discrimination, life-threatening illness, childbirth, war and many more.
The Healing Path
Healing from trauma is not an easy task, but it’s absolutely possible.
It takes effort, and is worth every step.
Acknowledge your pain and confront it healthily. This might feel uncomfortable, but it’s the only way to move forward.
Healing is a small and ordinary and very burnt thing. And it’s one thing and one thing only: it’s doing what you have to do. — Chery Strayed
Create a Safe Space
Developing a sense of safety is a crucial step in healing from trauma.
This means creating an environment where we feel physically and emotionally secure. It may involve setting boundaries, seeking support, or finding a sense of purpose. You should also be compassionate with yourself, cultivating the art of self-love and self-care.
I had to learn to be kind to myself. Treating myself with the same love and understanding I’d give to a friend was a turning point from the feelings of emotional neglect.
Reconnect with Emotions
Reconnecting with our emotions is another important step. It involves allowing ourselves to mindfully feel pain, healthy anger, and sadness without judgment. Cultivating positive drives like joy, gratitude, and self-assurance is also essential.
The beautiful thing about fear is that when you run to it, it runs away. — Robin Sharma
Forgiveness
Forgiveness, both for ourselves and those who may have hurt us, is crucial. Recognize that the cause of the trauma isn’t your fault, but you are now responsible for your healing journey. However, forgiveness isn't something that you should feel obliged to give, neither should forgiveness serve as a means for reconciliation. It should serve instead as a way to bring yourself peace from the hurt you have been caused.
You may not need to directly meet the person who hurt you to apologise to you, you can do it indirectly.
Forgiving isn’t something you do for someone else. It’s something you do for yourself. It’s saying, ‘You’re not important enough to have a stranglehold on me.’ It’s saying, ‘You don’t get to trap me in the past. I am worthy of a future.’ — Jodi Picoult
Learn more on forgiving the unforgivable below.
The Role of Therapy [and loved ones]
Seeking professional help from a licensed therapist can provide valuable guidance in helping you understand and navigate trauma. They can help you work towards healing and growing.
In my side of the world, therapy isn’t something that people take on so much, its functionality is low at this point.
But hey! If it is available and you can afford it, it is one of the best ways to understand yourself on a deeper level.
However, if we are in the same boat, friends, immediate family and our partner can help in our journey to healing and self-discovery.
We can receive love, emotional support and genuine compassion from those who love and care about us.
Mindfulness and Meditation
Meditation through calm breathing and being in a mindful state can help keep your mind in the present, gradually letting you aware of the line of thoughts that come to your mind and choosing to focus on your breathing.
Set Healthy Boundaries
Healing from trauma also involves learning to set boundaries and communicate effectively with others. It’s a journey that uncovers underlying issues of guilt, grief, and insecurities.
Your personal boundaries protect the inner core of your identity and your right to choices. — Gerard Manley Hopkins
You get to find out what you accept and do not and can set limits for yourself, as well as how others treat you.
Self Learning
Just as you are doing now, learning about trauma can help make sense of experiences and recognise that your reactions are not uncommon. Education can empower you to seek professional help and work towards healing.
Ultimately, Healing from trauma is a personal journey that requires patience, self-care, self-compassion, and honesty with oneself as well as those we genuinely care about.
Behind every scar, where pain once held its sway, there is a story of untold survival that needs to be told. Let’s Hear Your Story!
Feel free to share your experiences or questions in the comments. What traumatic experience do you feel comfortable sharing? Have you found effective ways to heal from them? Let’s connect and learn from each other.
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