Turns Out, My Love Is Conditional
I can’t love someone despite these things — perhaps you shouldn’t either
If there’s anything I learned from my marriage, and subsequent divorce, it’s that the adage of “unconditional love” didn’t quite cut it for me.
Some people interpret unconditional love as being limitless. No matter what happens in the future, they can’t imagine anything happening that would stifle their ability to deeply love their chosen partner. Others see it as loving someone regardless of the circumstances or situations, a commitment that they’ll see it through together and come out still loving, honoring, and respecting one another on the other side.
However, I think for many people the idea of unconditional love is portrayed as a willingness to love someone despite their flaws and imperfections. That’s certainly how I was taught to view it. This relationship dynamic was modeled out for me in family members, friends, and the media — really, anywhere cis-het couples showed up. I internalized the notion that some things simply couldn’t be changed and as a woman, it was my role to get on board and start accepting and settling.
So I did.
I rode the “escalator of life” and coasted along to all the achievements and moments that made for a nice, respectable existence…
