Second-guessing: what it is and how to deal with it?
Some ideas to make you free from second-guessing
Modernization offers society tons of choices. It provides freedom to configure our demands in any aspect of life. You can choose a career, fashion, and passion that truly represent your identity. Then how come we never feel complete? The more preference given, the less happy we are with the taken decision. The more outfit provided in your cupboard, the more likely you feel that your cloth is awful. The paradox of choice also explains why most modern people are not satisfied with their chosen career path. I will introduce you to the paradox of choice as an impact of modernization.
There is a clear distinction between evaluation and second-guessing. Blaming yourself gives nothing but sadness and pain. Sometimes learning to move on is paramount. Most people have difficulty differentiating between evaluation and being trapped under second-guessing. Evaluation means accepting your current situation and taking steps to optimize future opportunities. Meanwhile, second-guessing is when you keep hoping to become a time traveller and change something unchangeable.
The worst part of second-guessing is it can hurt you even when your choice is decent. The constant overthinking of other alternatives might disable our access to receive satisfaction. If your decision leads to the worst outcome, you will get suffer even more. Let’s start this article with a simple question: how to properly handle second-guessing
1. You have no obligation to formulate a perfect decision in each of your seconds continually.
Why do we always expect ourselves to be superhuman?
Everyone is prone to miscalculation and fallacy, so are you. Having 1–2 wrong decisions does not define you as a human being. Humans are not designed to always form objective and precise consideration. We are gifted by emotion that plays a role in every choice we make.
The majority of people are the harshest critique to themselves. This does not mean that you should be immoral to others, but I hope you can treat your well-being as lovely as you treat others. Stop being mean to yourself by setting the unreasonable expectation to be a perfect creature. No one can be flawless. Changes can start by eliminating all negative voices inside your head whenever you make a mediocre decision. Consider replacing it with “you are trying your best already” or something along those lines.
Having a positive mindset is essential, considering our limited capacity as human beings. The result is not only affected by struggle and dedication. Externality also has a considerable influence. Some careers become more promising than others might result from an unpredicted trend. Knowing that you do not have the power to control all variables in life, having positive thoughts help you enjoy life better.
2. Second-guessing is not dependent on your choices
Option in life is not white and black. It is not as easy as distinguishing between the villain and hero in your favourite movie. Life sadly does not come with a manual. It is impossible to predict all possible outcomes for each alternative because we cannot see what will happen in the future.
The brain works strangely. Humans tend to overthink the negative impact and overvalue other probabilities. You keep regretting your career to stay as an employee because of the scenario of perfect successful entrepreneurship. The source of regret is an unfair comparison in your mind. You completely ignore that entrepreneurs need to start from scratch, working for nothing in the first two years. Let’s say you can do time travel and create your start by becoming entrepreneurs. You might think that working for a stable corporation that provides financial security is a better alternative. You still cannot escape from second-guessing. The source of the problem is not our decision.
3. Knowing your inaccurate decision still makes a beautiful story
You are worth more than your story
Life is just a story-based game. Whatever path you decided to go to unlocks something that the other way does not give. Maybe your chosen majors do not lead to smooth access to a high-paying job like other majors. Still, you might find a best friend who accompanies you along during painful times. Knowing the results of your decisions in small benefits in life gives a constant reminder that life is still worth living. The idea that each path you took is always a trade-off can be your ace card to move on from wrong decisions.
4. Stop comparing your life with anyone
Second-guessing often comes from seeing other people’s accomplishments and achievements. You start to think that you have a chance to overlap them, but you just missed the opportunity. Life does not provide an equal starting point for everyone. Though effort plays a role, we forgot that the birth lottery has a significant impact. You may need to work three times harder to get the equivalent of a financial asset than those born from wealthy families, which allows smooth access to get a high-paying job. You also face more barriers to do self-development when you do not have a supportive parent. No matter what stage of life you are in right now, I do not demotivate you to keep fighting. However, treating life as competition to beat everyone will make you exhausted.
Impressing everyone is a thing, but taking care of your mental state must be the top priority. In the era of social media, everyone can easily compare their life with successful people to destroy their self-esteem. We often forget that social media accounts only display the beautiful version of life and rarely upload something terrible. Every Instagram user that you stalk also has pain, just like you, but they do not show it to you.
Some last words
This article does not force you to get rid of your second-guessing tomorrow. I understand that building positive thoughts needs time and struggle. Start to think about the accomplishment you made with your decision and the process you have undergone. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but it should be fulfilling. Identifying yourself with cheerful nuance helps you to fight the overwhelming second-guessing..
Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.
written by Krisna Aji Pradhana, a student at Gadjah Mada University majoring in computer science.
edited by Sandy Sanjaya, a European Master in Nuclear Energy Student, with an interest in energy, data science, and critical thinking.
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