First week from Heidi’s POV
No story is told the same way twice. The same event is never experienced the same way, but always from a myriad of possible point of views; each look at the world through different glasses, tainted by our histories and our expectations. This is a personal sharing from my eyes.
Rundown of the orientation (aka Welcome Home) week:
DAY 1: Formalities. Drawing each other’s faces.
DAY 2: Tsila’s session.
DAY 3: City tracing. Random tasks with strangers.
DAY 4: [I skipped this]
DAY 5: Peter’s session. Initiation ceremony. Party.
SUNDAY: Song writing & planning for thanking T12/13. [I also skipped this]
‘Overwhelming’ would be the perfect adjective for this week.
I got a complete social overload; there are simply too many people! But quantity is not the biggest problem here, the main issue is a qualitative one — they all demand me to listen, to take them in and understand them as real human beings, to establish a connection. No more impersonal office banter with all it’s safe, convenient distance. This is exactly why I signed up for this dubious hippie school*. But I have to admit that it is bloody draining.
This is a place that demands my full presence. Not only showing your face to all the other faces in the room, but to listen, respond, participate with both your mind and heart, to actually be there. This is not easy, not for someone who’s very skilled at hiding, and convicted the world is just a sad silly farce, sometimes funny, mostly depressing.
At Friday’s party I invited my friend F over to join us. At a certain point of the party, I finally lose the last bit of my cheerfulness, and I retreat to my brooding mode; I said to F, ‘I don’t know what I think of this all; I don’t know how to evaluate this thing [gesturing towards everyone in the party, looking incredulous] that now I’m a part of. It certainly puts me in a very good mood, but some bits of it I’m really not so sure’.
F said, ‘Why do you have to draw conclusions so soon? Just go with the flow’.
Right. Flow. And the flow ends right here because I don’t know how to write a closing paragraph. Tot later!
* Yes. I do admit to you all readers/teachers/founders, with my full honesty, that the hippie level around here is really pushing my normal limits. From the wall art, to the lingo ... a good part of me still wants to dismiss it as laughable. I see it as a very good thing: I am learning to withhold my aesthetic judgements, but to accept it as it is, to put down my brain’s smart ass reflexes, and experience it for myself.