Breaking Free of the Guilt Machine
He set me free, so why don’t I feel that way?
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus…(Romans 8:1, NKJV)
I have read those words a thousand times. But, a lot of those times, it doesn’t seem to matter.
The guilt finds me, anyway.
I probably shouldn’t say “finds”
Honestly, a lot of the time, I should use a stronger word. I have been emotionally paralyzed more times than I can count.
The guilt eats at me.
The guilt destroys me.
All while I know Christ died for my sins. All while I know He forgives me in my repentance.
Why do I do this to myself?
My first problem is, I’m a perfectionist
Perfectionism is a problem.
I know many people don’t think it is, if properly regulated. But the issue is you can’t stake your reputation on, and you certainly can’t take any pride in, your perfectionism. Because humans are not perfect, and nothing you ever do will really be perfect. And, even if you can maintain the illusion of “perfection” for a while, guess what?
Eventually, you’ll mess up.
A wise person once told me:
You are not better than anyone else. Why do you expect you won’t stumble? The human heart is wicked, and you’re human.
This struck me.
Had perfectionism become my … idol?
I found that it had. I had put all my stock in my ability to self-regulate and none of it in the fact that the Creator of the universe died because, for all my self-regulation, I was not perfect and would never be.
The Bible is actually extraordinarily clear on this:
Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boats boast in the LORD.” (1 Corinthians 31:1, NIV)
Not:
Let the one who boasts boast in their ability to follow the Lord’s commandments.
Because that’s not good enough.
My second problem is the devil is smart
He knows what gets to people, and he knows that each person has something that gets to them, especially.
And those perfectionists? Oh, he will chase them down with condemnation after condemnation, until they are too emotionally paralyzed to be any good for the Kingdom of God. Because that’s what he wants. He wants the players on God’s team benched.
Don’t let him win.
Where does this leave me?
Jesus did not die on the cross so that perfectionism could become my idol and the devil could take me out of the game. He just didn’t. Verse after verse tells us what His sacrifice did accomplish:
For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that through Him the world might be saved. (John 3:17, NKJV)
For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more. (Hebrews 8:12, NKJV)
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. (1 Corinthians 5:17, NKJV)
So, then, what is this remorse I feel? What is the point of it?
If these things are true, why do I feel any remorse at all?
I’ve got one more verse for you.
Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. (2 Corinthians 7:10, NIV)
Did you catch that?
Godly sorrow leaves no regret.
That guilt — that regret — I’m wallowing in?
It’s not of God. It’s of the devil.
He is, after all, called The Accuser.
God wants you to feel sorrow, make it right, and move on, secure in the knowledge that the sacrifice of His Son has given you the ability to do so. He doesn’t want you to continue punishing yourself. That’s worldly sorrow, and it’s not the life He wants us to live.
Fighting this cycle, this guilt machine, as an imperfect perfectionist is an uphill battle. I mess up every day. I give the devil ammunition every day.
But I am in the army of the Most High, and I cannot let the devil take me out of the battle.
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