Choosing Your Resolution For Lent
Or allowing it to choose you instead?
In deciding on a Lenten resolution, a story about St. Jane Frances de Chantal and St. Francis de Sales usually comes to my mind.
The devout St. Jane had the habit of praying early in the morning. There were no alarm clocks in those days, so she would have her maid wake her up and help prepare her for the day.
This meant that her maid would have to stay awake at night in order to perform those duties on time. St. Jane’s spiritual director, St. Francis, told her that she should wake up and make the preparations by herself.
While her prayerful practice was good, how she carried it out was uncharitable toward her neighbor. She did as she was told and allowed her maid to sleep while she woke up herself, prepared herself, and said her prayers in the early morning.
Perhaps to St. Jane, all she could see initially was goodness in starting her day early in prayer. The routine was good indeed. But she was blinded to how the means of achieving it was not loving. Did her routine prayers lead her closer to Christ if how she lived her life did not reflect Christ’s face?
I asked myself similar questions. How have spiritual disciplines, like fasting, transformed my life to be like Christ’s? What might be my daily routines or disposition in this season of life that draws me away from Christ? What am I blinded to?
This year, several personal encounters revealed what my Lenten fast ought to be.
I had dinner with some friends. The food was amazing, and the company was great. But the bill came up to a price above my expectation. I had more than enough savings and definitely could afford it. But the first thing that came to mind was, “I do not have an income at the moment and should not be spending money like that!”
I was bitter about spending that money.
A few days later, I saw a dress and was tempted to purchase it. It was priced affordably. However, I stopped myself because I do not have an income and should not be buying additional clothes. Nevertheless, I was sore about not buying it.
I also noticed that I have stopped donating mass collections. I reasoned that I am excused because I do not have an income. But my conscience pricks me each time because I know that God has generously blessed me with sufficient savings that I was hoarding instead.
I was upset with using money. I was also upset about not using money. I was inconsistent. The script “I do not have an income” was consistent. This script governed my disposition, which led me to disallow myself from experiences. This self-imposed deprivation made me grumpy.
I was looking at worth only from a monetary perspective. But I had overlooked the intangible value of spending time with others, building relationships, supporting others in need, or self-care. I doubt the life of Christ looks like that.
And so, my Lenten resolution this year is to fast from the disposition that everything hinges on having an income. That is, to break away from operating from a place of deprivation.
Instead of exuding generosity. To be prudent in my expenditures, neither being a spendthrift nor a miser. To take joy in the experiences rather than looking only at the money. To move from a place of lack to a place of life.
Just as starting the day early in prayer is good, having an income is also good. However, being absorbed by the need or lack of income distorts its goodness.
By making it a goal, I have made it an idol, and it had replaced the providence that God had already provided. I hope that fasting from the to embrace a life-giving mindset. By letting go of a distorted good, I would be ready to receive and share the ultimate good.
The story of St. Jane reminded me that our Lenten fast is unique to each of us. It is what we are called to in a particular season of our lives. It is usually what is already happening from day to day that is not life-giving. It chooses us. And if we choose it too, it’ll transform our life to one that gradually grows closer to the life of Christ.
