Do We Need a Nudge to Forgive?

Paul’s knack for persuasion

Photo by Álvaro Serrano on Unsplash

But I didn’t want to do anything without your consent. I wanted you to help because you were willing, not because you were forced. (Philemon 1:14, NLT)

Books teaching us the art of persuasion are plentiful, but we can learn lessons by looking at an old book — the Bible. Philemon is one such letter beautifully written by Paul while in prison in Rome.

Onesimus, an enslaved person, steals from his owner, Philemon, and runs away, where he meets Paul. At some point, Onesimus converts to Christianity. Paul wants him to return to Philemon, and he wants the relationship restored and made better.

Paul writes this letter to convince Philemon to forgive Onesimus and accept him, not as a slave, but as a brother.

Lessons we could learn in the art of persuasion:

1. Paul begins his letter with his greetings, followed by praise. Paul is a great salesman. He knows the art of winning one over by appealing to Philemon in just the right way. We could learn a lesson from this tactic.
2. Ordering someone to do something rarely works. Paul does not command, although he claims he has the right to do so, but instead, he pleads for Philemon to show love in this matter of forgiveness and acceptance of Onesimus.
3. Offering assistance might be the key. Paul, claiming that the letter is in his handwriting, offers to pay any debt that Onesimus may owe Philemon.
4. Making our case by stating the benefits may be helpful. Paul explains the worth of Onesimus, saying, “I would rather keep him here with me because his service to me is of great value.” Paul appeals to his closeness with Onesimus, referring to him as his child.
5. Buttering up your recipient never hurts, but be careful not to lie. Paul appeals to Philemon’s kindness and love in this matter. At this point, how could Philemon not be swayed, if nothing else out of curiosity’s sake, to meet this new Onesimus?

So Paul is sending Onesimus back to his owner, a changed man. Paul referred to him as once useless but now useful, a helper and brother in Christ. Paul wants Philemon to welcome Onesimus as he would Paul, with open arms, forgiving him and accepting him as a free man, thus this letter.

Did Philemon do as Paul asked? Could this be the same Onesimus mentioned in Colossians 4 as a free man? We do not know for sure, but we hope for a restored relationship, a granting of forgiveness on both sides, and freedom from slavery.

Has Paul persuaded you to forgive and accept someone who has betrayed you?

Questions to ask ourselves:

• Are we enslaved to an unforgiving heart?
• Do you or someone you know needs to be persuaded to forgive?

God never forces us to forgive, but He lovingly reminds us of His pardon to us. Could we learn from Paul’s beautiful letter? If we are persuaded to forgive then I think the answer is yes!