Free of Resentment
A tale of winning by losing
Years ago, I got the bad end of a business deal. I was reunited with an old friend and he talked me into joining him in a real estate venture called flipping. Once things were rolling, my trust that he would handle his end of the deal was soon tested. I noticed his tendency of breaking promises, lack of attention to the project, and more.
When all was said and done, I was the one holding the bills, while he walked away with a handsome amount for his labor, which included finding the property. He also walked away with a percentage of projected profits from the sale. I want to highlight, “projected profits.” I think that’s where he got me because it was already clear that the housing market was cooling off.
Despite that, I went ahead and made the deal so we could go our separate ways. I was already very tired of dealing with him. Even hearing his voice made me uncomfortable. He would say to me, “Where’s my money?” He sounded more like a mafia boss than a friend.
Sure enough, the market kept going South and I could not sell the house for what I spent to renovate it. I lost all the money I put into the house, including the down payment for the original loan. My credit was also ruined.
He showed little to no concern for my situation. Keep in mind he was an old friend. I was naïve to have trusted him in the business venture and I was clearly out of my league. Worst of all I developed a sense of resentment towards him.
I can look back and say that was a deeply painful experience. Back then I avoided any thought of the situation. I wanted to “be a man” as described in the part of the poem “If” by Rudyard Kipling.
“If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;”
So I turned my attention to other things. A few years later I discovered a spare part of the kitchen counter of the house we remodeled. I decided to give it to the person who purchased the house from the bank at a low price. “She will appreciate it,” I thought.
She answered the door and I explained that I had a spare part for her kitchen counter, and she asked me, “Are you the one who remodeled this house?” She sounded angry. I told her not really because it was my friend and his partner who did the work. She screamed, “It’s falling apart!” I can hear her saying those words as if it was yesterday. I was filled with regret once again as I was reminded of my slick friend.
How did I forgive this guy? It felt impossible and maybe even unnecessary at first. I thought maybe it was my fault and lack of experience that I got into this mess. After all, he was just looking to make a buck. Yet, the feelings of resentment were real and they were causing my emotional life to “fall apart” just like the house. I saw him a few times after parting ways. Because of mutual friends, we were included in some joyful occasions, but I felt this coldness inside when he was present. So I knew something was not right.
The Bible teaches that we are to forgive, and that forgiveness is unilateral, meaning it is an act we can do without the request for forgiveness from the one who hurt us. So I had work to do, and with the Lord’s help, I let it go. It’s still a struggle, but I forgive him and wish the best for him and his family. I wish I could say we are good friends again, but that’s not the point. The point is to live free of resentment.
Yes, it was a big loss, and I’m still paying for it. But the fact that God helped me put it behind me through forgiveness is one way I know the gospel is real. I can only forgive because God has forgiven me. He brought me from a cold, dark place, to a place of light and freedom. I can never thank the Lord Jesus Christ enough for his grace and mercy.
