God Sees and God Cares: My Unexpected Move Story
Got any seemingly ‘small’ worries? God cares about those too
I had experienced anxiety before, but never as crippling as when I moved on my own for the first time.
Shortly after moving, there were more than a few incidents of violent crime in my new neighbourhood. This brought my pre-existing sense of loneliness and vulnerability to a whole new level. The silence in my new place amplified the voices that told me it had been a mistake to move here, that if something happened to me no one would even notice, perhaps no one would even care.
I didn’t cut off ties with everyone at once. The isolation increased in tandem with my fear of leaving the house. I knew this had to change, but I couldn’t seem to get over it by myself.
Some of my well-meaning Christian friends sent me all the verses they could on how I shouldn’t fear because God was with me. So I piled guilt on top of fear, anxiety, and loneliness. My wrist tattoo, which says, “fear not” in reference to Isaiah 41:10 seemed to sting a little every time my heart started racing slightly too quickly at the thought of going out.
One particularly challenging night, when a shady individual started causing some chaos in the back alley next to my building, I started to cry and started unloading it all with God.
My prayers up to that point had been quite reserved because the guilt of not having a “strong enough” faith was suffocating my spiritual life. But that night, I laid it all out before God. He lovingly reminded me of Hebrews 4:16. He reassured me that he understood my fear and my anxiety.
Before this night, I had considered looking for a new place. However, a part of me thought that moving would signify failure and distrust in God.
I genuinely believed that staying in that situation was proof of my faith. I convinced myself that trusting in God’s protection meant continuing to live alone in an increasingly unsafe neighbourhood. I convinced myself that moving would mean I was pridefully trying to take matters into my own hands and control the situation, as I had been prone to do in past circumstances.
But that night, not only did I sleep soundly for the first time in months, I felt a reassurance that I did not have to box God. His provision and His protection could come in a myriad of ways. And so it did.
A turning point
The next day, I felt an urge to look at the local listings to gauge what was available. I saw a beautiful apartment in a neighbourhood that had always been a bit of a dream for me, but I never thought I’d get to live in it as it was on the more expensive side.
It was a relatively new building, very close to work, close to restaurants, grocery stores, pharmacies, anything I might need, and more. It was extremely accessible and very close to the beach. Though it was still expensive, it was miraculously still within my budget. I nervously messaged the listing owner, fighting against the condemning voices in my head.
A few hours later, I went to look for the posting to show it to my family but, to my surprise, it had been taken down. I’d later find out that it was because they had received a lot of responses to the ad. Had something not prompted me to look right then and there, I would have completely missed it.
They messaged me back and we set up a virtual viewing for it. The viewing went really well and I was almost sure it was mine.
However, the next day I received an email from the building manager letting me know that they had picked another candidate. She asked me if I was interested in being added to the waitlist, and when I said yes, she told me that should another unit become available I would not need to reapply. But, she had to warn me, units didn’t vacate often in this building because people usually stayed for relatively long. After the viewing, I could definitely see why.
A month went by with no news, and I kept on going to different apartment viewings but none of them were sitting right. The whole exercise was exhausting as I had just gone through it six months earlier. Though I was disappointed I didn’t get that one, there was a renewed sense of hope and peace within me, a certainty that God was able to protect and provide.
One day, a notification came through at about 10:00 pm. It was the building manager informing me that another unit had opened up and that if I was still interested, it was mine. I responded immediately and as they say, the rest is history.
I signed my new lease with exactly six months to go in my old lease. As it happens, tenant laws in my city allow for a lease to be broken with no penalty with six months remaining if it is for a reasonable cause and if the tenant finds someone to transfer the lease to.
Though I had no one yet, I was sure that in my city’s hot housing market that would be no issue. It is so easy to repeat that God’s timing is perfect, but when you see it in action, it takes a whole new meaning.
Around the same time, another girl from my church was also looking to move. As we were checking in on each other’s search one night, I told her I had found a new place but needed someone to take over my lease. Knowing the reasons why I was leaving my apartment, I would have never seen her next text coming. It simply read, “I can take over it.” I was shocked.
As it turns out, she was looking to move by herself and stay in the city core because it is where most of her activities took place. Also, she worked most of the time remotely and wasn’t as concerned by the outside activity since she spent most of her time at home.
In a matter of a week, I had found a new apartment, given my notice, found someone to take over my lease, hired movers, and ordered moving supplies.
Despite the anxiety that had permeated the entire situation just a few days before, this was ironically shaping up to be the smoothest move I had ever had — and trust me, I had had a few at this point.
As the time for the actual move drew near, I started to become a little nervous because the times when I was supposed to check out of one building and check in to the other did not coincide. But God. He sees and He cares, even about the smallest of details.
Three days before the move, my new building manager called me to let me know the previous tenants had vacated early and the unit was ready for move-in whenever I wanted! All of a sudden, a logistical detail that was making me very anxious was resolved.
This event is one of the ones I remember the most from the moving experience because after coming out of a prolonged period of anxiety anything could make my mind spin out of control.
And just when I was starting to get riled up about this seemingly little check-out time issue, God slipped in to remind me once more that He truly is in control of the big and the small. He brought the beautiful words in Matthew 6 to mind,
“But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.’” (Matthew 6:30–34, ESV)
God sees, God cares
Six months later, I am writing this piece outside on my balcony on a practically perfect summer-almost-fall evening. Out of all the things I was looking/praying for, a balcony was not one of them, but God went above and beyond — as He often does. This little space has quickly become a haven, one of my favourite spots in the city!
Even though I know this is not my forever home, nor would I ever want to end up worshipping the gift as opposed to the gift-giver, I can’t help but stop and just be overwhelmed by God’s goodness, faithfulness, and care. I love the apartment. I love the space. But more importantly, I love what it has come to represent.
I have written many times about my struggles with belonging in this city. Being an immigrant often means writing and rewriting your definition of “home.” In this apartment, I have come to find myself feeling more at home than ever; not only because of the physical space but because after an arduous emotional and spiritual journey, I can finally feel the dust settling in my heart and my mind regarding God’s purpose in me being here.
Also, it has become a daily reminder that it is God who provides and that He often does it in ways we might never expect. By listening to the voice of guilt, I thought trusting God meant staying, but I think trusting God can sometimes also mean going.
Before moving to Vancouver, I used to have a distorted view of God. I had no problem believing He cared about the big things, but I really struggled to believe He cared about the small things.
Or maybe He did care, but I did not see Him as Abba Father, as someone I could actually bring these seemingly small things to.
I thought I’d be a nuisance, so I resorted to trying to control and take care of things myself. More often than not, that didn’t turn out so great. This experience has reminded me, yet again, that God sees the big and the small and He cares about it all.
