‘Just Be Yourself, You’ll Be Fine’
But will you?
I think everyone has been told before, “Just be yourself, you’ll be fine.”
I have heard that sentence my entire life. Whether it was a playdate when I was younger, headed to kindergarten, the first day of high school, or a first date. The list goes on.
What I’ve found people are really saying when they tell you that is: “Be the person that you were created to be — the inner you, who you really are — and people will accept you.”
But here’s the thing — will they accept me?
Will I be fine?
Am I good enough?
Is who I am enough?
Is what I want to do with my life good enough?
Is who I am in my identity good enough?
To be honest with you, I still to this day struggle with believing I am good enough. Whether it’s a bad day at work and feeling like I have absolutely no idea what I am doing, or it’s wondering am I a good enough wife? Friend? Daughter? Speaker? Blogger? The list can go on.
And these insecurities can get so deeply rooted inside of us that those thoughts become normal. I sit and wonder, where did that thought come from? Where did this idea come from that I am not good enough? And it’s not even that I’m not the best at something (because when is that ever the case?), but we think we’re not even able to “make the cut” in a certain area of life.
I believe there are two places where these negative thoughts can come from:
- Someone has flat out told you this.
- Society‘s messages about what the “perfect person” should be are so loud and drowning that you can’t help but believe them.
For me, it’s been both. As I write these words, I can remember so many times in my life where I was told you aren’t good enough for this — you won’t be able to do it. I remember in kindergarten when I wasn’t “good enough” to be friends with the girls in my neighborhood. Teachers told me I wasn’t to the level of intellect they wanted me to be. I talked too much; I asked too many questions, which was exhausting. I ate too much to look good in the dance outfits.
When you’ve been told these messages, it sticks with you. You have this perspective of yourself that who you are is not acceptable to what the world expects of you.
Have you experienced this?
I was talking to one of my friends about this topic — of feeling good enough. She was being vulnerable and sharing that she consistently wonders am I a good enough girlfriend, am I good enough at my job, am I smart enough for the degree I am working toward? I asked her, has anyone told you that you aren’t? She thought for a minute and said “no.”
So where did she learn this from?
That would be reason number two above — society.
It’s crazy to me how a society that preaches supporting one another, kindness, motivating people to be their authentic self, can also cause so much insecurity and loneliness as well. To feel that you will fail at your dream career because you’re not as smart as the others working toward it. You aren’t super romantic and lovey-dovey so how will you make a good spouse? You don’t look like Jennifer Aniston so how do you deserve love? You aren’t funny or “extroverted” enough, so how are you going to keep friends?
It is so easy to fall into that trap of lies, and instantly, you close yourself off to the possibility of who you can become, to who you are meant to be because someone told you “no.”
So instead, you put on a mask. You camouflage yourself to be the person that you THINK is good enough to deserve whatever you are wanting or working toward.
Here are my words for you today, and I truly hope you hear them and let them sink deep into your soul…
You are good enough.
You are smart enough to go after your career.
You are strong enough to get through the pain that overwhelms you.
You are brave enough to go after your biggest dreams.
You are important enough to have a voice and speak your true opinion and mind.
You are worth more than you know, and matter enough to deserve the happiest of love.
You deserve respect, love, kindness and to be pushed to follow the dreams and hopes that have been instilled in you.
It doesn’t matter what the world has to say — don’t let their expectations be put onto you. Don’t let the lies that have been told to you your whole life, bluntly or subtly, stop you from sprinting after the hopes you have for life.
Your inner beauty shines brighter than anything you may try to mask.
Are you playing the comparison game?
Don’t compare yourself to another person’s journey because they have a completely different path than you do. Comparison is such a dangerous, yet an easy thing to do. To feel completely inferior to those around you or desire things they have in their life that you don’t.
You are where you are because you are supposed to be there. There is a purpose.
Who are your people?
Find people in your life who will encourage, support, and constantly remind you of all these things. When you feel like you’re failing and want to give up, they will remind you why you started. We all experience these thoughts of comparison, inadequacy, am I good enough?
Be vulnerable to those around you who are your encouragers. Share with them when you need encouragement or are struggling with the lies of worthlessness. Without being vulnerable and honest, is there really a way to gain support and encouragement? To push through all the roadblocks in life and thrive as the person you were meant to be?
And if you find that you are around people that you can’t be vulnerable with, to be who you really are, then are they worth being around?
You are worth it. You are good enough.
I will continue to remind myself of this with you. That being myself is actually fine — it is more than good enough.
This story is published in Koinonia — stories by Christians to encourage, entertain, and empower you in your faith, food, fitness, family, and fun.
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